Prisyadka Dancing Craze in the Wuxi China Expatdom claims its first victims

Thursday evening, twenty Wuxi Expats, from Ontario, Canada, were injured when they tried to perform the Prisyadka Dance, the traditional Russian squat kicking dance. Millions of Wuxi Expats had been performing the dance after it had been done in the celebrations that followed Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore’s lecture at Ford’s Theater in Washington D.C.

Acting Chief Inspector of the Wuxi China Expatdom Officer McNulty provided details of what might have happened to a pack press conference held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay’s Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China. "To be honest," said McNulty, "we don’t know what exactly the Ontario Expats were trying to do! Many of them had black eyes and broken noses from being kicked in the face. Many of them fell in the canal behind Dangle’s Participle, so we suspect that they were trying to perform the dance on a pier with no fence. Two of them managed to get run over by car traffic. Three of them went to the bathroom, tried to do the dance there and so were clobbered by other patrons. A few of them accidently swallowed their monocles which they tried to wear as they performed the dance. Many of the others have to go get their monocles surgically removed from intimate parts of their bodies. And we don’t think we will ever find out how Duston Short managed to swallow a football, four pairs of traditional Russian Prisyadka dancing slippers and his twin brother Justin’s watch — it may well be that these swallowings were unrelated to the dancing incident!"

McNulty then said that he would canvass the WCE parliament and ask them to make laws regulating Prisyadka Dancing and Monocle Wearing. "I think that one should have a license before attempting to Prisyadka dance and wear monocles at the same time!"

The newly-formed Wuxi China Expatdom Monocle Wearers Society (WCEMWS) and Wuxi China Expatdom Prisyadka Dancers Association (WCEPDA), after hearing McNulty’s comments quickly issued a joint press release saying that regulation and laws were unnecessary. "Millions of Wuxi Expats have been able to enjoy Prisyadka Dancing and wear monocles without doing harm to anyone. Why should we let a stupid minority of Ontarians ruin it for everyone? This group of Ontarians previously got lost walking home, got all their heads stuck in cupboards, and had to be hospitalized because they drank Chestnut Pub toilet water. You cannot make laws against stupidity so why trample on the freedoms that Wuxi Expats currently enjoy by bringing in an evil centrally-concentrated bureaucratic infrastructure?"

Rain and Alcohol make Wuxi Expat think he is back in England

Monty Byng, an English English Teacher living in the Wuxi China Expatdom, thinks that he is back in England in a really big China town. “The skies are gloomy, the streets are wet, there are lots of Chinese takeaways and alas, I can’t find my wellingtons. I must have left them down around my local pub! lamented Byng to the WCE Blog interviewer whom he then asked how the flight from Shanghai to his native Lincolnshire had been.

Byng’s true local is Dangle’s Participle, the pub for English Teachers, located on Wuxi China’s Nanchang Jie Bar Street. Sammy Dangle, owner of Dangle’s Participle, told the WCE Blog that Byng has been the Pub’s best customer during the recent spell of rain and does seem to have lost some of his senses. “At closing time, I have to pick him up off the floor and put him in a cab! He insists that his mum is going to pick him up so there is so need, but we do know better!” said Dangle who denied he was taking advantage of Byng’s alcoholism and then stated that Byng was never all there to begin with.

Thousands and Thousands of Prisyadka Dancers gather at Wuxi China Airport

Thousands of Prisyadka-dancing Expats converged on the Wuxi Airport in the Shuo Feng District of Wuxi, China to greet Archduke and President Harry Moore whose plane returned from a triumphal tour of Sarajevo and Washington D.C.

The Prisyadka-dancing Expats formed three rings of humanity around the airport. When Moore’s plane landed, the Prisyadka-dancing Expats, from squat positions kicked their feet higher in the air than they had ever done before.

Moore, still dressed in the impeccably tailored blazer, slacks, perfectly tied cravat and fedora, that he wore at Ford’s Theater, received loud applause when he appeared before the welcoming throngs.

The cheers turned to screams of adulation when after performing some of his Fred Astaire inspired dance moves, Moore threw off his fedora and blazer and began to dance the Prisyadka himself.

Moore and welcoming Expats then danced the Prisyadka all the night and all the way from Shuo Feng to the Nan Chang Temple Market where Moore has a small one thousand square meter apartment. The staff employed, in the million vehicle motorcade that was to take him there, were instead able to get off work early at full pay.

Wuxi Expat wants to marry the Moresky 360 Building

Michael Furey, a Wuxi Expat from Ireland, has fallen in love with Wuxi’s Moresky 360 Building, and wants to marry it.

Furey, an English Teacher working at English Fungus School, says it was love at first sight for him when he first laid his eyes on the 209m tall building in 2010. "Since then, I have been able to fondle, kiss, grope and caress all her 48 floors. It is my dream to one day be able to straddle her 29m tall spire." said Furey.

Furey told the WCE Blog that he was filed an application for a wedding license with the Wuxi China Expatdom Marriage Bureau.

Gabriel Conroy, spokesman for the WCE Marriage Bureau, says he may not be able to grant a wedding license to Furey. "The Moresky 360 Building belongs to the locals, and we would be infringing on their sovereignty if we permitted Furey to marry it." said Conroy in an exclusive interview with the WCE Blog.

Drinking Mates of Furey say he has threatened suicide if he cannot marry his dear, dear Moresky.

The Wuxi China Expatdom is the only jurisdiction in the world to permit Human — Inanimate Object marriage.

Wuxi Expats crazy for Prisyadka Dancing

Thursday, Wuxi China locals, with bemusement, looked upon a group of lense-less Monocled Wuxi Expats, arm-in-arm doing a Prisyadka Dance at People’s Square near Qingyang Road. Prisyadka dancing is a traditional Russian dance where dancers kick upwards from a squat position.

The Dance craze came to Wuxi as a result of Russians doing the dance during celebrations that took after Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore’s lecture, delivered at Ford’s Theater in Washington D.C., about cinematic depictions of the U.S. Civil War. Gambay’s Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China has set up a special Prisyadka Dance Room. Already, Wuxi Expats have formed a Prisyadka arm-in-arm dance line spanning one end of Nanchang Jie Bar Street to the other.

Observers of WCEFAS President Harry Moore’s lectures speculate that the Prisyadka Dance could replace the conga lines which have been the traditional method of celebrating Moore’s orations.

Moore’s lectures have resulted in conga lines, millions of people and miles long. Wuxi China Expats now hope to break the world record for the widest arm-in-arm Prisyadka group dance which is 3,789 set after a speech by Boris Yeltsin to the Russian Duma in the 1990s. Prime Minister of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Mango thinks that Wuxi Expats can easily reach the one million Prisyadka participant width in the next few weeks.

Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President’s speech and dance performance converts potential assassins into fans.

Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society (WCEFAS) President Harry Moore wasn’t preaching to the converted when he stepped up to the podium to deliver a lecture about Cinematic depictions of the U.S. Civil War, after the opening-night screening of the film My American Cousin at the Ford’s Theater in Washington, D.C., U.S.A.

In fact, as Moore sat in the Presidential Box of Ford’s Theater watching the film, thousands of members of the John Wilkes Booth Wing of the Quentin Tarantino faction of the WCEFAS, who had bought all the tickets for the screening and as well, had infiltrated the Theater’s entire staff, all fired Philadelphia Derringer Pistols, many modified to fire automatic rounds of considerable caliber, at Moore.

All the shots missed, and Moore’s divine locks of dark, virile hair weren’t disheveled in the least. The assassins resumed watching the film and readied for their next move, which was to attack President Moore with daggers as he delivered his after-film lecture.

But their plans were thwarted by Moore’s impeccable manner of dress, and his god-given oratory and dancing skills. Before Moore made his speech, his golden smile which reflected a sunny Reagan-like optimism, and his dress featuring impeccably tailored blazer and slacks that were finished off with a perfectly tied cravat and fedora, made even the most hard-boiled of the assassins look at him with open-mouthed admiration. When he spoke, the would-be assassins went into raptures because of the sweet sound of his oratory, and dropped their daggers. And when Moore began to accompany his oratory with the up-to-date and graceful dance moves of Fred Astaire, the assassins became fans. At the conclusion of Moore’s speech, the crowd, which had only an hour earlier wanted to see him dead, formed a conga line of celebration and danced for hours.

Russians, who were part of the assassination plot, introduced a new element into the post Harry Moore Speech celebration. Hundreds of them, arm-in-arm, performed the Prisyadka, the famous Russian squat-kick dance. Not since the time of Peter the Great, had so many of them done the Prisyadka at the same time.

WCEFAS President Moore will return to the Wuxi China Expatdom where he has to sort out a booking conflict with the two WCEDVDAS organizations. The two organizations with the same acronym have threatened to go to war because of it.

Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society says Nuclear Programme built for peaceful purposes

Spokesman for the Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society, Mahmoud Safari said that their nuclear programme was for peaceful purposes and that allegations, made by the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society, that they were building Nuclear Weapons were "utterly false." They further asserted that the right to nuclear energy was their undisputable right and that the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society had better not use lies, political pressure or military pressure to stop them from their lawful right.

Asked why an organization that meet bi-weekly to discuss DVDs should have a nuclear programme, Safari said the energy needs of the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke were more than what the uninitiated might be lead to expect.

Asked about rhetoric coming from certain quarters of the Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society that they should destroy the Dick Van Dykers; that the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society should be wiped off the map; that the false WCEDVDAS should be wiped from the page of time; and that the Dick Van Dykers were Germs; Safari said that rhetoric was hyperbolic and nothing more. "Given the tension," added Safari, "that exists between us, the pure and the good WCEDVDAS, and the other WCEDVDAS which eats babies, tries to steal our Harry Moore Appearance, worships the Devil and the former King of Wuxi, and wants to enslave us and assault our daughters in beastly fashion, our fine and decent members can be forgiven for a itsy-bitsy tiny modicum of intemperate talk!"

Tension between the two appreciation societies, which share the same acronym: WCEDVDAS, has been at a critical level since it was discovered that a booking conflict existed where Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore was scheduled to speak at both of their grand conventions at the same time and date.