Wuxi Expat Pub to Hold a Balloon Night Every Thursday

Juicy Fruit Scripture Third

The Juicy Fruit Progressive Pub and Grill will hold a Balloon Night Promotion every Thursday.

Juicy Fruit’s Owner Wally Droop, who has recently taken over the pub, told the Wuxi Expat site Wuxi City Manual about the promotion.

“Get a free balloon with every purchase of a large mug of Snow Beer or Tiger Beer on tap. Buy a large mug of more expensive foreign brand and you will get two balloons! These balloons feature the Juicy Fruit logo and come in five colors: Pink, Yellow, Purple, Lime Green or Beige. And if you want, I will even blow them up for you. I have become a pretty good blower through the years. Ha ha ha!” said Droop.

Asked if patrons could have their balloons blown and tied into the shapes of animals like giraffes, penguins and kangaroos, Droop became very irate and shouted: “Who do you think I am? Lorenzo De Medici?”

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1.3 Trillion Dollar Movie is a Labour of Love for Wuxi Expat

Wuxi Expat Double Saint Archduke Harry Moore Emeritus says that post-production work has been finished on his major film Machismo Unleashed.

Archduke Moore has co-directed Machismo Unleashed, with Clint Eastwood. He also co-stars in the movie with the ghosts of Steve McQueen and Bruce Lee.

Machismo Unleashed, which has a budget of 1.3 trillion USD, making it the most expensive motion picture ever made, is a labour of love for Moore. “Let me tell you. My wife Miss Moneypenny and I really had to skimp and work hard to raise the money to produce the film. We even had resort to doing things like taking public transportation and becoming professional naturists. I also had to deliver film lectures in all 175 countries of the world before paying crowds as big as five million to make this project happen.”

Archduke Moore said Machismo Unleashed cost so much to make because he and his co-director Clint Eastwood eschewed any CGI graphics. “The scenes like where we destroy multiple aircraft carriers, deploy a million woman Swedish Bikini Army and reenact the great Lisbon earthquakes and the great Tangshan Earthquakes of 1755 and 1976 respectively, are 100 percent WYSIWYG.” said Moore.

Asked to describe what his film was about, Moore spent some time considering the question before finally saying the following: “I think that this buddy, on the road, epic ,philosophical , adventure suspense, musical is going to add hundreds of new words to the lexicon of movie makers. How to describe a movie that is funny, dramatic, medieval, modern, pre-historical, post-impressionist, set in every epoch of human history, sensual, erotic, toe-tapping, full of manly virility, full of womanly femininity, reactionary, biblical, and completely in keeping with the teaching magisterium of the Catholic Church? I think I am giving writers the world over some chances to coin some new words. Basically, everything that has ever concerned me about human existence and God and what we must do to save our souls in this world or in the next are in this movie. This film is the labour of my life. It is a labour of love only second to my performing my duties to my wonderful wife Miss Moneypenny!”

Machismo Unleashed is scheduled for worldwide release in May 2015.

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New Wuxi Expat Pub to Open May 2015

Just a Soso’s, a new pub catering to Wuxi Expatriates, will have its grand opening at its Nanchang Bar Street location in May.

Soso Jugashvili, owner and manager, is from Georgia and says he is very excited to enter the Wuxi market.

“I see great hope in this market” said Jugashvili. “The proletariat of Wuxi Expats have been under-served and exploited by bourgeoisie foreign pub owners. They are demanding justice and vengeance and a delicious cold pint of Ale and Lager on tap. I intend to give the hard working Wuxi Expat all three of these things!”

Upon telling this to a representative of the Wuxi City Manual site, the entourage of Jugashvili, a rough bunch to say the least, applauded in unison and with great fervour. To stop them, Jugashvili had to ring a bell.

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Wuxi China Expat Pub to Hold Daffodil and Daisy Night every Tuesday

Wuxi, China, Pink Kitty Pub Owner Wally Droop has announced that he will be holding a Daffodil and Daisy Night every Tuesday evening from 6:00 PM to whenever the last patron staggers or is carried out of his pub.

“Yes. Buy a mug of Snow or Panda or Suntory beer on tap and you will get a choice of a free daisy or daffodil!” said Droop in an exclusive interview with the website Wuxi City Manual.

Asked why he wasn’t also going to give away roses and chrysanthemums, Droop got very irate and said, “Don’t be a bundle-headed, slack-jawed, gherkin-brained sissy-wissy nincompoop! ”

Droop said he got the idea for a Daffodil and Daisy promotion from Shanghai and Suzhou Expat pubs. Asked if he thought the level of testosterone among Wuxi Expats was still too high for them to accept such an evening, Droop told the WCM site that he would chance it, because he believed that history was on his side.

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Wuxi China Expat Pub to Hold Sunshine and Lollipop Night Every Monday

In an effort to bolster sagging attendance at his pub during the 2015 Year of Sinatra in Wuxi, China, Pink Kitty Pub owner Wally Droop is holding a Sunshine and Lollipop Night every Monday evening from 6:00 PM to whenever the last patron staggers or is carried out.

“Yes. Buy a mug of Snow or Panda or Suntory beer on tap and you will get a free lollipop!” said Droop in an exclusive interview with the website Wuxi City Manual.

Asked about the sunshine in the Monday evening event’s title, Droop said, “If you come to my bar and don’t drink a beer, I will kick you where the sun don’t shine. I will kick you once for six rmb, twice for ten!”

Droop said he got the idea for a Sunshine and Lollipop promotion from Shanghai and Suzhou Expat pubs. Asked if he thought the level of testosterone among Wuxi Expats was still too high for them to accept such an evening, Droop told the WCM site that he would chance it, because he believed that history was on his side.

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Movie Poster for Soon To Be Released Major Wuxi Expat Motion Picture

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Wuxi Expat Forgets to Put On Clothes, Earns Standing Ovations from Locals

Wuxi Expat Harry Moore, officially known as Double Saint Archduke Harry Moore Emeritus, says he was walking to the Baoli Carrefour, on an errand for his wife Wuxi Expat Duchess Miss Moneypenny, when he noticed all the locals he passed were in the clutches of ecstasy and clapping, cheering and hooting for all it was worth.

“It wasn’t till all these women festooned me with flowers and men stared directly at me, their eyes full of admiration and envy, that I realized they were applauding me” said Moore, the Wuxi Expat Archduke and four time inductee into the Wuxi China Hall of Glorious Foreigners.

Moore was mystified as to why the locals were showing him such enthusiasm till he realized he had forgotten something.

“I forgot to put on my clothes!” said Moore. “Normally, I try to pass myself off as a local because I am sympathetic to the trouble my appearances in public cause the local police and businesses!”

Moore attributed his absent-mindedness to the intense concentration he was giving to his latest project, the making of the film “Machismo Unleashed.” which he is producing by himself, co-directing with Clint Eastword, and starring in with the ghosts of Steve McQueen and Bruce Lee. With the biggest budget in film history, 1.3 trillion dollars, Moore says he and his good friend Clint plan on making an old-fashioned epic in the manner of Lawrence of Arabia and the Wizard of Ox. Eschewing any sort of computer technology, the film is going to employ over a ten million extras including an one million women Swedish Bikini Army.

Moore says he very much regrets having inadvertently gone on his naturist walk. “Having to go to all these award ceremonies put on by the local government to honor me, for what was meant to be a trip to Carrefour to buy some beans for my wife, is slowing down the planning for my film project.”

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