In an announcement that confirmed what everyone knew or had already suspected, Kenneshaw Pudong Landis, commissioner of the Shanghai Expat Association, told the world that Paul Rudkin was the 2013 Shanghai, China Expat of the Year.
Mister Rudkin is the Trinity personified!” said Landis. He is pure awesomeness in three aspects as a tech innovator, a philanthropist, and a Male Model. I suspect that as long as he lives in Shanghai, the Shanghai Expat of the Year Award will be his. We may well just have to name it after him.”
Rudkin is responsible for some of the best tech innovations of the year including the Iwaffle app, the Ibottle to Crown Royal Whiskey app, and the Isteak app. “Being able to have your Ipad make waffles and steak, and pour you a drink!” is awesome said AKIC blogger Andis Kaulins. Bono, lead singer of U2, said that Rudkin has found a way to feed the starving of the world using Ipads.
Rudkin’s generosity knows no bounds. In 2013, he gave billions and billions to charities all over Shanghai and South Korea. He even bought three poor Shanghai families houses and cars.
“You’d think he was the government or robbed a money the way he gives away money. But audits reveal that he has earned, by the sweat of his brow and his amazing investment acumen, every cent of the millions of dollars he has given away to charity.” said the ghost of Mother Teresa.
But it is his golden locks of tousled brown hair and his statue of David physique that earn him the most praise.
“His good looks are his ultimate gift to the world!” said Oprah Winfrey.
“Don’t get me wrong. I am a heterosexual male but when The True Git walks into a room that I happen to be in, I get a tingle up one my legs and then down the other.” said Chris Matthews, the MSNBC Shanghai Bureau Chief.
“I want to bear to his children if I was a female and a super model!” said comedian Adam Carolla.
“We want to bear his children!” said the Swedish Bikini Team.
“I can’t believe he is my husband!” said Rudkin’s wife Lilly.
This is first of many awards Rudkin is expected to win this year. He is also in the running for an Oscar for best leading actor in the Film Gravity, a Pulitzer for his good looks, a Nobel Prize for Male Virility, People Magazine’s Sexiest Male of 2013, and tech innovator of the year from Compute Magazine.
World leaders praised the choice.
Pope Francis praised Rudkin and said that he may be canonized this year making Rudkin the first Saint to ever be canonized while still awhile.
Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper wants to honour Rudkin by changing the name of his country to Git Land.
Not to be outdone by his northern neighbours, President Obama wants to change the name of his country to the U.S.G. The G standing for Git. It may be the only idea President Obama has had that will earn bi-partisan support. Rush Limbaugh and Tea Party activists have praised decision. Chants of U.S.G.! U.S.G.! U.S.G.! could be heard all over America whether Red States or Blue.