Sammy Davis Jr. and Mama Cass

Sent from my iPod

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Leonardo Decaprio in Adam’s Rib

Sent from my iPod

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The World Celebrates Paul Rudkin’s Birthday

Millions upon millions upon millions of people, whether Asian or European, short or tall, Jews or Gentiles, expatriates or citizens, foreigners or locals, socialists or conservatives attended grand and lavish parades organized by national governments all over the world to celebrate the birthday of the 2013 Shanghai Expat of the year, Paul Rudkin, as the photos below show.

North Korea and South Korea competed to see who could hold the most elaborate celebration to mark his birthday.

A North Korean missile unit takes part in a military parade in Pyongyangsouth korea

In Beijing, the portrait of Chairman Mao at Tiananmen Square was taken down and replaced by a portrait of Rudkin.  A million Chinese packed the Square to show their approval of the decision.

Tiananmen with chairmen Mao portrait, Tiananmen Square, Beijing, China

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In Shanghai, the city that Rudkin now calls home, millions of Shanghairen donned elaborate costumes and paraded through the streets to honor its 2013 Expat of the Year on his birthday.

Shanghai

In England where Rudkin was born, the Queen knighted Rudkin and the Queen’s own guards sung Happy Birthday to England’s newest knight.

England

Sir Paul did not get to celebrate the day however. In an exclusive interview with the blogger AKIC, he said, “I have to support a colleague in Wuxi and so it looks like I will be working on my birthday again!”

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Tech Innovator, Philanthropist, Male Model, Paul Rudkin is the 2013 Shanghai Expat of the Year.

Rudkin

In an announcement that confirmed what everyone knew or had already suspected, Kenneshaw Pudong Landis, commissioner of the Shanghai Expat Association, told the world that Paul Rudkin was the 2013 Shanghai, China Expat of the Year.

Mister Rudkin is the Trinity personified!” said Landis. He is pure awesomeness in three aspects as a tech innovator, a philanthropist, and a Male Model. I suspect that as long as he lives in Shanghai, the Shanghai Expat of the Year Award will be his. We may well just have to name it after him.”

Rudkin is responsible for some of the best tech innovations of the year including the Iwaffle app, the Ibottle to Crown Royal Whiskey app, and the Isteak app. “Being able to have your Ipad make waffles and steak, and pour you a drink!” is awesome said AKIC blogger Andis Kaulins. Bono, lead singer of U2, said that Rudkin has found a way to feed the starving of the world using Ipads.

Rudkin’s generosity knows no bounds. In 2013, he gave billions and billions to charities all over Shanghai and South Korea. He even bought three poor Shanghai families houses and cars.

You’d think he was the government or robbed a money the way he gives away money. But audits reveal that he has earned, by the sweat of his brow and his amazing investment acumen, every cent of the millions of dollars he has given away to charity.” said the ghost of Mother Teresa.

But it is his golden locks of tousled brown hair and his statue of David physique that earn him the most praise.

His good looks are his ultimate gift to the world!” said Oprah Winfrey.

Don’t get me wrong. I am a heterosexual male but when The True Git walks into a room that I happen to be in, I get a tingle up one my legs and then down the other.” said Chris Matthews, the MSNBC Shanghai Bureau Chief.

I want to bear to his children if I was a female and a super model!” said comedian Adam Carolla.

We want to bear his children!” said the Swedish Bikini Team.

I can’t believe he is my husband!” said Rudkin’s wife Lilly.

This is first of many awards Rudkin is expected to win this year. He is also in the running for an Oscar for best leading actor in the Film Gravity, a Pulitzer for his good looks, a Nobel Prize for Male Virility, People Magazine’s Sexiest Male of 2013, and tech innovator of the year from Compute Magazine.

World leaders praised the choice.

Pope Francis praised Rudkin and said that he may be canonized this year making Rudkin the first Saint to ever be canonized while still awhile.

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper wants to honour Rudkin by changing the name of his country to Git Land.

Not to be outdone by his northern neighbours, President Obama wants to change the name of his country to the U.S.G. The G standing for Git. It may be the only idea President Obama has had that will earn bi-partisan support. Rush Limbaugh and Tea Party activists have praised decision. Chants of U.S.G.! U.S.G.! U.S.G.! could be heard all over America whether Red States or Blue.

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2014 to be The Year of the Firearm in Wuxi, China

firearms firearms

2014 will be the year of the firearm in the Wuxi China Expatdom.

Andrew Cowlinch, President of the Wuxi China Expat Rifle Association, made the declaration at the WCERA annual Christmas and Western New Year dinner held at the Yuval Levin Pavilion of McClintock’s Bar & Grill in the Nanchang Jie Bar Street Area of Wuxi.

“2014 will be a great year for gun and freedom lovers in Wuxi, China.  The WCERA will hold many events to celebrate firearms including competitions, bullet raffles and sock hops.  We will open at least 100 new firing ranges all over the Wuxi, Jiangying and Yixing area.  Best of all, gun lovers who take their firearms to any Expat business in the Wuxi, Jiangying and Yixing area will receive incredible discounts and free merchandise!”

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Beef Jerky and Bullets are the Most Popular Wuxi Expat Christmas Gifts in 2013

beef jerky bullets

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Phil Robertson is a Wuxi Expat Hero!

Phil Robertson is a Wuxi Expat Hero!

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