(This is the fifth of a series profiling the six nominees for the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award)
Brigitte Bardot, French sex-symbol and brain-dead animal-rights activist, has given her much-sought endorsement for the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award to Wuxi, China firefighting superstar Marcus Linius Crassus.
“Marcus is a real man or as we Frenchies like to say un homme verite! He has personally saved my life ten times this year and I have heard reports that he saves some certain individuals’ lives everyday. He is the most incredible firefighter I have ever met! If he wasn’t so busy fighting fires, I am sure he would have time to pose for a best-selling firefighter’s calendar! And if he did a Poolside Marcus Linius Crassus or as the French say, Marcus Linius Crassus Au Bord de la Piscine — Oh la la! Quelle Formidable! He’d give Harry Moore a run for his money!”
Marcus Linius Crassus, Commander of the Royal Wuxi China Expatdom Fire Brigade, made a name for himself in April, 2012 when he saved a million lives by singlehandedly extinguishing a fire at the 250 Story Kaulins Towers which was caused by the simultaneous crashing into it of ten airliners, fifty ships carrying nuclear weapons, 100 oil tankers, and 750 trucks shipping petrol. That feat and his subsequent saving of over a billion lives in various other Wuxi China Expatdom high rise fires during the rest of 2012 put him in the ranks of the Wuxi Expat elite.
“Marcus reminds of Bob Gainey who played for the Montreal Canadiens in the 1970s and early 1980s. Gainey was a solid forward who could play defence as well. He was universally recognized for his unsung heroics just like my darling Marcus. Yes! Marcus Linius Crassus is the Bob Gainey of Wuxi Expats!”
The 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year will be announced on January 1 at a special gala to be held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay’s Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China.