Douglas MacArthur, who started his career as a Shetland Pony stable security guard twenty-five years ago, told the WCE Blog he had thought that he had seen it all till the Gangnam Style Dance Craze came along.
“Being in the Wuxi China Expatdom, where there are people from all over the world, I have come to expect a preponderance of people from nationalities that like to steal more than people from most nationalities, as well as people from nationalities that have more of a tendency than people from other nationalities to want to make love to horses, if you what I mean. So I have got some stories, from my twenty five years in Shetland Pony security, to tell you’ including of guys coming to the stable late at night dressed in horse suits with the fly undone, if you know what I mean; English teachers trying to steal Shetland ponies to impress their young female students – there is this one guy – Farok Bagolli – he keeps coming back. But I shouldn’t mention names, like this prominent Wuxi Expat Pub owner, but that is another story!” said security guard MacArthur, who had a tendency go off on a tangent.
Asked about how the Gangnam Style craze had been affecting the Wuxi China Expatdom Shetland Pony Club Stable, MacArthur, regained his focus, and said: “The last two months, we had these music video directors coming to the stables, not wanting to ride our ponies, but take video of midgets dancing among the pony stables. Each of our ponies has their own stable and they are all arranged in rows opposite each other so that there is a hundred meter long path running down the center of the barn. We made good money renting the barn to these people, but demand became more than we could keep up with. So, some desperate music making video crews have taken to sneaking into the stable late at night with their dancing midgets and bikini-clad models trying to take video, and some drunken Expats have also tried to sneak in, but we are not sure if that is because they like Shetland Ponies or they want to do the Gangnam Style Dance. Anywho! This is not a good thing because the ponies need to sleep!”
To protect the ponies, MacArthur told the WCE Blog that the Wuxi China Expatdom Shetland Pony Stable had been forced to enhance their security. “We have had to hire thousand additional personnel, and buy one hundred tanks, fifty 155mm howitzers, seven Apache Helicopter Gun Ships, and two amphibious Aircraft Carriers. We have strung seven rings of concertina barb wire fencing around the stable perimeter and booby trapped them to set off a megaton nuclear explosion if anyone as much as sniffs the wire.”
But the enhanced security measures haven’t been enough. “We estimate that a million people have died trying to sneak into the stables to dance Gangnam Style and make videos, but a thousand have made it through! I will be glad when this Gangnum Style Fad is over! I was looking forward to retiring on December 1, but the craze resulted in the WCE parliament enacting emergency legislation to keep me working!” lamented MacArthur.