Wuxi Expat to Marry His Santa Claus Suit

Nicholas Klaus, the Santa Claus at Baoli Shopping Center, told a packed press conference at the Dorthy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay’s Pub, that is he going to marry his Santa Claus suit.

The announcement stunned the members of the Wuxi Expat and World Expat journalism community who expected that Klaus was going to announce his retirement as the Baoli Mall Santa Claus after fifty years of service.

"I don’t care what the world says!" said Klaus as he pounded his fist on the podium. "Call it the love that dare not say its’ name. I don’t care! I am here to tell the world that I profess my love to my Imperial Lux-Seal crimson Santa Suit, trimmed in a thick white fox-like faux fur fabric which includes: hat, fur trimmed jacket with zipper front closure, elastic waistband pants, belt with 5" buckle and a pair of fur trimmed boot tops. I am marrying a high quality well made costume which I have used for more than twenty years. The seams on the coat and pants are all double stitched, and have lasted me for years and will last till death do us part. If you are interested in buying one, I will tell you that they are available in Adult size X-Large (50-54). I am sorry to say that a pipe, a toy bag, gloves, wig and beard not included!”

Asked why his wife of forty years thought of his decision, Klaus said “I will always have a special place in my heart for Corina, but the moments I spent with my Santa suit having children sit on my lap while I was making off-colour jokes resulted in a love so intense that I have no choice but to surrender to it!”

Klaus will marry his Santa Suit at the Chestnut Pub Wedding Chapel on Christmas Day. “What could be more romantic?” asked Klaus.

The Wuxi China Expatdom is the only jurisdiction in the world to recognize marriage between humans and inanimate objects.


About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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