Supreme Commander of the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Armed Forces, General Clarence Chugwater, proclaimed the establishment of the Wuxi China Expatdom Crown Royal Bar Girl Brigade, at a military parade held at Harry Moore Square Diamond on Thursday.
The Wuxi China Expatdom Buffet Reconnaissance Force, will become the sixth branch of the WCE Armed Forces which consists already of the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Land Force, the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Air Force, the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy, the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Marine Corps, and the Wuxi China Expatdom Buffet Reconnaissance Force. The WCECRBGB will be commanded by General Cherry Soda, senior bar girl at the Club Bonavista in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China
After a march-past, General Chugwater addressed the brigade as well as over one million observers to explain the rationale of the Wuxi China Expatdom Supreme Military commanders in creating the sixth arm of the Wuxi China Expatdom Military:
"Because of the constant shrill whining from the shrewish part of the Wuxi China Expatdom Feminist-Sexpat alliance about there being no woman in any of the other branches of the WCE military, with the exception of the Buffet Reconnaissance Force, we have formed the Bar Girl Brigade. The commanders of the Wuxi China Expatdom were opposed to the fraternization of the sexes in WCE military operations. The average Wuxi China Expat male, with the exception of the blogger Andrew Cowlinch, is a highly sexed creature, incapable of concentrating on the task at hand when there is a woman around. All Wuxi China Expat males, including the blogger Andrew Cowlinch, can’t deal with the constant whining that women would most certainly give males during military operations. So women mixing with men would destroy the combat effectiveness of our military. We are adamantly opposed to doing anything that would weaken our military! His majesty King Gorzo is thankfully, for the military and free individuals everywhere, totally in agreement with Joints Chief of Staffs about this.
We are aware that women, despite their size, have a combativeness that makes many men look like what we assume many woman to be. That is why, we do see a Bar Girl Brigade as a way to strengthen our military. I think of my time in Israel. The Israelis gave their women military training. But the Israelis whose survival depends on never losing a single war, were not so stupid as to put men and women in the same unit; nor so uncivilized as to send the women in first. Neither should we be. But our women won’t be a force we send in when all our men are dead. They will have their missions. Our enemies of the future will run away when they see a brigade of Amazon Shrews coming at them like battle-axes from hell!"