Twenty Wuxi Expats Hospitalized after Choking on Condoms

Twenty Wuxi Expats from Ontario, Canada are resting comfortably in the #2 People’s Hospital on Zhongshan Road, after an aborted night on the town.. They apparently choked on condoms they had gotten from a dispenser in the washroom of the Pink Kitty Pub in Wuxi’s Nanchang Jie Bar Street.

Owner of the Pink Kitty Pub, Wally Droop told the WCE Blog that a group of twenty one Expats from Ontario thought he had bubblegum dispensers in his washrooms.

"Duston Short, the leader of the group, complained to me of oily tasting bubble gum, but I had no idea what he was talking about!" said Droop.

Short, an English teacher, told the WCE Blog that he is the only one of the Ontario, Canada Expats who spit out the gum after finishing chewing it. "I tell they gum be oily, but listen not to me, did they!" said Short.

The incident was first time that non-colonial Wuxi Expats had to be hospitalized for injuries related to misuse of condoms. Thousands of colonial Shanghai Expats, Beijing Expats, Suzhou Expats and Nanjing Expats are hospitalized weekly for thinking condoms are bubble gum, thinking condoms are needed during oral sex, thinking condoms are needed to be held in place with tacks or tape, and thinking condoms have to be worn on one’s head during intercourse.

Asked why the colonials hadn’t be made to take sex education courses, the acting minister of Wuxi China Expatdom Colonial Affairs, Ellsworth Toohey, told the WCE Blog that he had been told by his boss, the Wuxi China Expatdom Colonial Minister Archduke Sir Harry Moore — currently on the surface of the Planet Mars, to not bother teaching the Colonials anything. "The Archduke told me that a little knowledge is a dangerous things with these colonial Expats because they are in such a primitive stage of intellectual and civilized development. The Archduke cited his experiences, telling me how hundreds of Nanjing and Shanghai Expats were injured when being taught how to use fire; that the day after Suzhou Expats were given shoes to wear, they were cooking them for their supper; providing hammer and nails to Beijing Expats resulted in untold numbers of crucifixions; and how every Expat, not from Wuxi city, chokes himself of herself when trying to tie shoes!"


About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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