A brave group of Wuxi Expats is planning to hike the Forbidden Zone in the Meicun District of Wuxi, China.
The Forbidden Zone, a 100,000 square kilometer area of jungle in the Meicun District, is uncivilized and mostly uninhabited. The locals, who would call the area "The Forbidden Zone" if they could speak English, have stayed away from the area. They have said, in Chinese, that the Zone is full of unmentionable horrors including man-eating monsters, zombies, areas of high-radiation, Greek sailors, public W.C.’s, Jack-in-the-Box restaurants, one-hour martinizing, feminists, the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey club, and the films of Micheal Moore.
"I have seen the locals staple their lips to their foreheads, nail furniture into their pelvises, bury themselves in concrete, and apply for asylum to North Korea!" said the leader of the hikers Commodore Major Pyle. Asked why the locals were doing those things, Pyle said because they didn’t want to go into the Forbidden Zone.
"We are a motley crew of ne’er-do-wells, mountebanks, confidence men, pub owners, and of course, English teachers seeking to get out from under the shadow of the more successful Wuxi Expats whose exploits are chronicled in the WCE blog!" said Pyle Asked why he said this, Pyle said he thought that was what the reporter from the WCE blog was going to ask. What the reporter did want to know was how many hikers were the group. Pyle then said that hundred would be participating unless they weren’t taking part and that going back to what he wanted to talk about, Pyle said he wanted to add that the hikers wanted to try to prove to the world that they didn’t have anything to prove.
With the reporter sitting on one side of a table and Pyle sitting on the other, Pyle said he hoped that there were lots of sheep in the forbidden zone. Asked why he said that, Pyle then said that he shouldn’t have said that because he was inadvertently revealing the secret agenda of the hikers. Pyle then told the reporter that he hoped that what he said wouldn’t be published.
The hikers plan to enter the Forbidden Zone as soon as they can find the bus that will get them there.