Wuxi Expats Reach The Summit of Olympus Mons

On the planet Mars, Wuxi China Expatdom Archduke Harry Moore and his consort, the Archduchess Mrs. Miss Moneypenny made mountain-alpine climbing history by becoming the first humans to ascend the 22 km (14 mi) high Olympus Mons.

On the Summit of the mountain located in Mars’ western hemisphere, the Archduke held aloft the flag of the Wuxi China Expatdom, and dedicated his feat to the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty; to the Queen of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Ayira: the Chosen One; and to Carl Sagan, his favorite astronomer. "Growing up, I watched Sagan’s Cosmos series and I was inspired to be great in billions and billions of endeavors… You know, I think it is a crime that Sagan isn’t in the Wuxi China Expat Hall of Fame. If ever there was a man who exemplified the sheer exhilarating expatedness of Wuxi China Expats, it was Carl Sagan, who I am proud to say was a golf-partner of mine in the 1980s!"

The ascent of the tallest mountain in the Solar system was "a damn rum close thing" said the Archduke. "Being a role model to millions of Wuxi Expats, I had to make sure my tousled locks of shimmering black raven hair weren’t messed up too much for the publicity stills that Mrs. Moneypenny had been commissioned to take. And we had all sorts of forces trying to prevent us from getting to the top. I am not at liberty to talk about the events, however, because, my good friend, director David Lean has agreed to rise from the dead and direct a film based on the ascent to be titled Moore of Olympus Mons!"

Back on Earth, millions and millions of Wuxi Expats gathered around television sets, by their computers, near pubs, and at the three Harry Moore Memorial Squares in Wuxi to watch coverage of the Archduke and Archduchess at the summit. The Expats in Wuxi then engaged in the usual round of celebratory Wuxi Expat high-jinks afterwards, eating hot dogs, stripping naked, prisyadka dancing, and forming incredibly long conga lines.

In a video conference held with the world press, the Wuxi China Expatdom Archduke and Archduchess were rather tight-lipped when asked if there was life on Mars. "Darling! All will be revealed in a documentary variety show which will have an all-star cast including the six members of the Shenzhan Six Mars Mission and special guests!" said Mrs. Miss Moneypenny.


About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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