Wuxi Expat Duston Short, disgraced former midget sumo wrestling champion of the Wuxi China Expatdom and an English Teacher at Portage & Main English, has been swallowed by a Sinkhole.
Monday evening, Short was being chased from the Chestnut Pub by its owner Wally Droop when he ran straight into the sinkhole located in Wuxi’s Nanchang Bar Jie. Witnesses said Droop, carrying a straw broom he picked up on the street, was chasing Short because of a unpaid bar tab Short had at the Chestnut Pub.
Witness Julius Shack told the WCE blog that he saw Short ran through a sign that said: "Beware! One km deep sinkhole! Do not under any circumstances run through this sign!"
Said Shack: "I saw Short stop and read the sign, and then mutter, asking what a sinkhole was and what "do not under circumstances" meant! He then saw Droop get close and decided to run through the sign! The last thing I heard him say was "Oh! That’s what a sinkhole is!"
The Sinkhole is said to be the biggest in human history. Sinkhole experts who have explored the Mama Huge Huge Sinkhole say it is big enough to contain the cites of Wuxi and Shanghai.
Many theories have been put forth about the origins of the hole. The theory, said to be most credible, suggests that the sinkhole was once a storage area for the Ayatollah of Mordor’s caramel ball collection.
Wuxi China Expatdom authorities say that they will, sometime next week, debate whether time and resources should be used in a possible search for Short who comes from Ontario, Canada. "I wish that guy would go back to Canada and do whatever it was he was doing there, which was probably collect welfare!" said the acting chief detective of the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Police Force: Officer McNulty.