All Natural Naked English School to Open in Wuxi, China

All Natural Naked English, one of the leading chains of English schools in China, is coming to the Wuxi, China Expatdom! The school, which has famously gotten Chinese students to lose their inhibitions by conducting all-nude classes, is scheduled to open in Wuxi by the start of the October Golden Week holiday.

"It is a pleasure for us to come to Wuxi, China, the world capital of Naturism!" said the head of the Wuxi, China ANNE Branch, Randy Kincaid. "I slap myself for not having come here sooner!"

Asked if he worried that the Wuxi, China market was already over-saturated with English training centers, Kincaid said it wouldn’t be, once word made it around the Wuxi China locals that All Natural Naked English was head and shoulders better than their established Wuxi competition. "I guarantee we will crush and flatten all of the other English schools in Wuxi!" said Kincaid, looking surprisingly solemn, confident and learned for an older man who was wearing nothing but gold chains around his neck, wellington boots on his feet and sunglasses to protect his eyes from the glare of the hot Wuxi sun.

Asked why he felt so confident, Kincaid said All Natural Naked English had discovered a business model that would make students and teachers happy. "We will pay the teachers 40,000 rmb a month and they will only have to teach six hours a week, with no office hours. They will get a 10,000 rmb bonus if they can show up to school in time, without being drunk, for the classes. All the classes have prepared lesson plans so that the teachers just have to pull a binder from a shelf and walk into class. And there’s more! Our teachers will also each get two free apartments with maid service and six return air tickets to their home countries per year. Our students, meanwhile, will pay only 500 rmb for 100 hours of individual one-on-one classes — 5 rmb a class! V.I.P. students, for just 100 rmb more, will get a free Ipad already uploaded with the Poolside Harry Moore App — a 10,000 rmb retail value Pay the teachers well and charge the students as little as possible! That’s our business philosophy!"

"Of course, a great business model in the education industry is ultimately based on the education we give students." added Kincaid. "Study after study has shown that uninhibited students learn better than those who have hang-ups or are shy! That’s why we insist that our teachers and students conduct all classes in the nude, 12 months a year and 24 hours a day. In all our other schools, we have seen inhibitions quickly disappear and that there was so much more for the students and teachers to talk about! And we so much believe in the naked education concept that we have our support staff from marketers to janitorial staff do their duties in the nude also — they all get cold weather bonuses if they come to work on a day where the temperature is below four degrees centrigrade!"

All Natural Naked English’s first school in Wuxi is near the old location of Willoughby’s Wallensteinian Pub on Xueqian Street in the Nanchang District.


About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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