Apollo 11 Commander Neil Armstrong Wishes He Was A Wuxi China Expatonaut

"The Expatonauts of Shenzhan 6 who are heading to Mars are like Babe Ruth. The Astronauts of Apollo 11 who have landed on the Moon are now like Ezra Sutton!" said Apollo 11 commander Niel Armstrong in an interview with the Wuxi China Expatdom blog.

Armstrong was referring to the obscure Ezra Sutton of the Cleveland Forest Citys who hit the first home run in Major League Baseball history on May 8, 1871 against the Chicago White Stockings in an National Association game; and to the famous major leaguer Babe Ruth who made a name for himself hitting 714 home runs for the Boston Red Sox, New York Yankees and Boston Braves. "Every one knows about the Babe! Does anyone know who is Ezra Sutton is?……. They don’t and I am afraid that the crew of the Apollo 11 will fall into Sutton-like obscurity now that that amazing collection of manly men and the stowaway Mrs. Miss Moneypenny on Shenzhan 6 are are making their way to Mars!" lamented Armstong

Asked why he felt so dejected, Armstrong compared himself to Shenzhan 6 Commander Archduke Harry Moore. "Moore is accomplished in so many fields and has good looks to boot. He can dance, sing, write, and inspire incredible loyalty and acts of heroism among his many admirers and followers. What can I do? Spend the rest of my life relying on the fact that I stepped on the Moon. I might as well have starred on Star Trek or as Batman in the campy 1960s t.v. series. Moore’s trip to the Mars will probably not even make the top ten accomplishments of his life!"

Armstrong then made a dramatic confession and revealed to the WCE Blogspot that he had courted Miss Moneypenny, the future archduchess and wife of Archduke Moore, in the early 1970s. "I was like the pilot in the Truffault movie. There I was thinking I was on the top of the world, and then Miss Moneypenny rejected me. My trip to the Moon had been for naught! What was the point of going to the Moon if you are rejected by the woman you love? I kept myself going, through the latter part of the 20th century and the early part of the 21st century, by playing the role of first man on the Moon at conventions and such, and the adulation I got was able to sustain me…. until I heard about Archduke Harry Moore and Miss Moneypenny making it on the Moon, my Moon, my turf as it were, and my self-esteem took a beating!"

Asked if he felt any animosity to Archduke Moore, Armstrong said that he and the WCE Archduke were the best of friends, and spent many a Sunday afternoon golfing together and talking about sci fi movies. "In Harry’s presence, you can’t feel any jealousy. He is so great that you quickly feel proud that you are able to be near him. His excellence and earnest ease of manner easily erase any envy you may have entertained before your entered into his most estimable presence!"

Armstrong added that he was a fervent admirer of the WCE Archduke, maybe even a fan. "I do one day hope to boast of having the largest collection of the Poolside Harry Moore books in the world. Currently, I have 1,969 leather-bound copies. Heck! I have taken my photo, of my stepping on the moon, that I had, on my mantelpiece, all these years, and replaced it with a unwrapped and autographed first edition of the Poolside Harry Moore!"

Armstrong when talking about Moore seemed to take on a healthy glow. And so when asked why he was having self-esteem issues, Armstrong said he was full of resentment that he hadn’t been asked to join the Shenzhan 6 Mission. "They are such a great bunch of men on that mission and I feel such envy because I am stuck on the Earth’s surface. It drives me to crazy to think of all the laughs and camaraderie that merry bunch of real men are having on that souped-up Saturn V6 Rocket!"

Shanzhen 6 is currently on schedule to land on the surface of Mars on September 11, 2012.


About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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