Cuban Tobacco Crisis: Castro Threatens WCE English Teachers With New Cold Turkey

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Caribean-Strongman Fidel Castro has warned that the Wuxi China Expatdom’s Expat smokers
will have their tobacco shipments cut-off, perhaps sometime soon. Sources close to Prime Minister Mango said that a team of analysts are presently trying to make sense of Mr Castro’s 5,875-page media statement, in which are believed to be ominous hints of a tobacco-emabargo.

The Cuban-utopia produces 98% of the world’s tobacco, of which 50% is smoked by Senor Castro, and the other 50% by Bill Clinton.

Andis Kaulins, the English Teacher, is reportedly "frantic" that he can’t find a pack of cigarettes anywhere in the Expatdom. In worse condition is WCE Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore, who said that he "can’t last another two seconds without a Hong He’, a Lucky Strike, or a Nanjing Hong; – please, please, please,Mr Castro, -anyone!, I’m really desperate here!". Harry Moore has shaken-out the pockets of his pants countless times in vain attempts to find some shreds.

In view of the fact that a crisis always deepens, PM Mango contacted Coffee Annan, UN Special Envoy, to act as mediator before things deepen even deeper, however Coffee Annan is much too busy right now.
Former Hollywood actor Tom Skerrit, now a retired Expat living at Lake Lihu, has been asked to bring his considerable diplomat/negotiator acting talents to-bear in a bid to resolve the impasse.
"Be glad to", said Tom. Mr Skerrit, who specialised in playing movie-roles of the Senior Advisor to the Chief Executive, which always involved him sitting at a great big table (big enough for constructing great model railroads on), adopting a furrowed brow; a serious, ultra-worried mien; an occasional raised eyebrow, and, speaking to actors sitting across the great big table who played top-ranking military specialists, and who all used expressions like "and what exactly are your people telling you?!", "that’s affirmative", "on my desk at 0900 hours", and "AWACS".

PM Mango implored Expats to remain calm. "Be kind to Expat English teachers, please", he asked.
"Please spare them a drag, if you have any cigarettes left in your packs".


Posted By Pierce Double Happiness Bond to Wuxi, China Expatdom at 7/19/2012 07:24:00 PM

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About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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