Wuxi China Expat from Denmark admits Hans Island belongs to Canada

Lars Von Mikkelson, a Dane living in the Wuxi China Expatdom, told the WCE Blog that he had come to the realization that Hans Island had always belonged to Canada and that any attempts by his country to insist otherwise were immoral and plain dumb.

Said Mikkelson: "Hans Island belongs to Canada simply by virtue of the fact that Canadians are better than Danes in every way. Canadians are more intelligent, virtuous, witty, humorous, imaginative, virile, efficient, strong, sensible, creative, moral, flamboyant, charismatic, honest, freedom-loving, god-fearing, innovative, better-looking and considerate than us Danes. As well, Canadians are better hockey players and are, I have been told by women the world over, much better in the sack than us Danes. The sheer quality of a Canadians as individuals compared to us Danes makes the case for Canadian sovereignty over Hans Island a slam dunk! And then there is also the moral, philosophical, historical, legal and aesthetic reasons for Canada’s claim of sovereignty over Hans Island — five more slam dunk reasons why Hans Islands belong to Canada and why my fellow Danish countrymen are so utterly wrong on this issue!"

Mikkelson told the WCE Blog that he saw the light and came to realization that Hans Island belonged to Canada while he was riding a camel at Wuxi’s TE Lawrence Memorial Camel Riding Park. "I fell off my camel and was forced to wander in the desert of Dong Ting. I came upon a burning bush from which I heard a voice. It said: "Lars! Lars! Lars! This is God speaking! Hans Island belongs to Canada! Canadians are the chosen people and if you look at them, you will see that they are of much better quality that Danes! Give them what is rightfully theirs!" I was flabbergasted that God would talk to little old Lars! Of course, I did what God told me to do, and I saw immediately how much more magnificent were Canadians and that Danes shouldn’t have conflict with them about Hans Island which is, of course, by every right and by the rules of common human decency, theirs!"

Mikkelson tells the WCE Blog that he has resigned his job as a Manufacturing Plant Manager to concentrate full-time on advocacy for Canadian sovereignty over Hans Island; and that he even believes that his country should pay reparations to Canada on top of relinquishing claims of sovereignty over Hans Island. "I think we should pay fifty percent of our annual GDP to Canada for the next thousand years! We should also offer them, as an annual tribute, for the next ten thousand years, one thousand of our finest and most nubile 18 to 21 year women! And for the next one hundred thousand years, we should annually give them one million tonnes of Danish Cheese free! And yet, it would still not be enough to compensate for the affront given by our gross insult, not only to the fine and superior people of Canada, but to basic human decency! So, Danish men should also be made to wear dunce caps and pink clown suits for as long as there is a Denmark!" said a solemn Mikkelson.

Being told that many of his fellow countrymen were calling him a turncoat and were also asking why he didn’t renounce his Danish Citizenship and become a Canadian citizen, Mikkelson said that only people made of much finer stuff, than he and his fellow Danes, could become Canadian citizens, and that he as the true Danish patriot loved Denmark so much that he wanted her to do what was right. His crusade for a Canadian Hans Island, added Mikkelson, was a far, far better thing that he did, than he had ever done; it was a far, far better sleep that he went to than he had ever known now that he was doing the right thing and making sure Hans Island was and would always be Canadian.

Evidence is mounting that Mikkelson’s advocacy campaign is changing the minds of Danes. A recent Galloping Poll of Danes found that now over sixty percent of them recognize Canada’s sovereignty over Hans Island. "Those Danes who don’t," said Mikkelson, "are like those Japanese soldiers who stayed hidden in the jungle all those years unaware that the war had ended!"

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About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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