Wuxi China Expatdom Police Force Issues Warning about the Sexpat Goldfinger

At a press conference, held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay’s Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China, the Wuxi China Expatdom Police Force, via music and singing, issued a warning to local bar girls about the Sexpat Goldfinger.

WCE Police Force Chief Inspector Harry Callahan, accompanied by the WCE Police Force Orchestra, opened the press conference singing, "Goldfinger, he’s the man, the man with the midas touch, a spider’s touch, such a cold finger, beckons you to enter his web of sin, but don’t go in….."

Callahan allowed WCE Police Force chief female vocalist Officer Shirley Bassey to take up the story. "Golden words he will pour in your ear, but his lies can’t disguise what you fear, for a golden girl knows when he’s kissed her! It’s the kiss of death from Sexpat Goldfinger! Pretty girl! Beware of his heart of gold! This heart is cold!" sang Bassey.

Asked by the singing members of the Media, what Goldfinger wanted. Bassey sang, " He loves only gold! Only gold! He loves gold! He loves only gold! Only gold! He loves gold! He loves gold!"

The members of the media then gave Callahan, Bassey, the WCEPF Orchestra, and WCEPF music producer and arranger George Martin a rapturous standing ovation, before demanding and receiving several encores.

The media members praised the conducting of the press conference accompanied by an orchestra and professional singers. "It sure beats a dry iteration of press statements of typical press conferences made in the most Orwellian and boring language!" said WCE Blogger Andis Kaulins.

Chief Inspector Harry Callahan said he got the idea for turning his press conferences into musical productions from watching a film talk given by the President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society, Archduke Harry Moore. "The Archduke not only talked, but sang and dance! It was an inspiration to me. I decided then and there to set up a Wuxi China Expatdom Police Force Music Squad. With a little persuasion, but not too much, I was able to get the greatest musicians the world over to join the WCEPF! And this press conference was the result!" said Callahan.


About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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