Defeated French President Nicolas Sarkozy Says He’s Moving to The Wuxi China Expatdom!

At his first Press Conference held after having lost the Presidential Election to François Hollande, Nicolas Sarkozy shocked the assembled members of the media by taking off his clothes and announcing that he was heading to "De Wuxi Expatdom."

"Now that de France is being run by de Socialists, my countree will become more of the asshole, so I am going to take my popsicle stand to de Wuxi China Expatdom! I know that they gots de good King there! Gorzo is magnificent! He is better than Napoleon or Charles De Gualle! I also want to meet monsieur Harry Moore and his belle madame wife Miss Moneypenny! I must know what Monsieur Moore thinks of Jerry Lewis! I think he is a genius myself and yet I never hear Monsieur Moore talk about them Lewis movies! I also like de Naturism that they got there! I really hate to wear da chemise and de pantalons! In de WCE, I’ll be able to undress as I please!" said Sarkozy, who looked like a man with a tremendous weight lifted off his shoulders.

Asked by a reporter from the Economist if he was worried about having to deal with smart alecky Wuxi Expats, like the English Teacher Andis Kaulins, saying he had lost an election to a Hollandaise sauce which was an emulsion of egg yolk and butter, usually seasoned with lemon juice, salt, and a little white pepper or cayenne pepper so that in appearance it was light yellow and opaque, smooth and creamy with a flavor that was rich and buttery, with a mild tang added by an acidic component such as lemon juice, yet not so strong as to overpower mildly-flavored foods, Sarkozy said he wasn’t planning on becoming an English Teacher and was going to hang out with Elite Expats. "No smart aleck merdes among those guys!" said Sarkozy.

Sarkozy, after being questioned by a reporter from People Magazine, then told the press conference that his wife Carla Bruni also wanted to go the Wuxi China Expatdom. "She is a very excited by de camel riding and mountain climbing in de Wuxi Expatdom! She also wants to see da wives of Mango and King Gorzo: Wonder Woman and Ayria: da one that was chosen!"

Wuxi Expat Midget Sumo Wrestling Champion and Confidante to U.S. Vice President Joe Biden, the currently unemployed Duston Short told the WCE Blog that he eagerly awaited the arrival of Sarkozy in the WCE. "When I was in High School, I lost an election for a seat on the student council to a bottle of Heinz’s Ketchup. So I can sympathize with a guy that lost to a sauce! Ketchup is Tomato Sauce when you think about it!" said Short.


About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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