U.S. Vice President Strikes Up Friendship with Wuxi Expat

U.S. Vice President Joe Biden tells the WCE Blog that he and Wuxi Expat Duston Short, the diminutive and squat sumo-wrestling English teacher, are now bosom buddies. "Duston and I have a lot in common and have had similar experiences in life. We like sticking our heads in toilet bowls, showing up late for work, calling in sick for work, eating lots and lots of food, taking incredibly random steps in illogic, and making pronouncements on things from a position of total ignorance." says Biden.

Biden says their friendship began when Short sent him a fan letter. "Being Vice President isn’t worth a peed-in bowl of corn flakes, as the expression goes. It can be an incredibly lonely job so you can imagine my joy when Short sent me a letter. I had something to do! I put my body and soul into writing a reply. President Obama was nice enough to let me use UPS to send Short a portfolio full of autographed photos of myself to Short. Even better, the President let me use his official photographer and send to Short photos of me in Speedos! Wow! Short was a real fan I thought to request such a thing! It has been years since someone wanted to see my body! When Short sent a reply, it was the beginning of a long correspondence and our tight-as-rope friendship! I had given up hope that there was someone on earth who shared my interests. I thought I had been the only one to have problems with getting his head stuck in cupboards! Short also respected my opinions on a whole range of issues. When we had our first video skype call, I was truly amazed to see him listen to me without his eyes glazing over or getting this expression on his face that everyone else gets when I talk to them — I have been trying a lot during my vice-presidency to imitate this look others get — my vice president’s office has a nice mirror. I finally got the expression down pat when I sat on a cucumber! Anyway! Pretty soon, we will be together in person, side-by-side like Sonny and Cher, Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin, Nixon and Agnew, and Simon and Garfunkel. President Obama has given me permission to spend the entire Election Campaign hanging out with Short in the Wuxi China Expatdom!"

Biden also tells the WCE Blog that he secretly hopes that he and Obama lose the Presidential election. "I want desperately to hang with Duston Short, going from teaching job to teaching job in Wuxi, eating hot dogs and wearing split-ass pants! The only problem is that President Obama says he has dibs on living in the WCE if we do lost the election!"

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About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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