Duston Short, the Wuxi China Expatdom Midget Sumo Wrestling Champion, has been fired, by Universal English School in the Wuxi New District, for eating Hot Dogs during one of his classes.
Barry Dumont, Senior Teacher at Universal English School announced, to a press conference at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay’s Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China, that Universal and Short had parted ways. "Some of our students went nauseous watching Short stuff hot dogs into his body while trying to teach relative verbs!" said Dumont.
Short told the WCE Blog that he had been out late the night before and so, he "understandably" got up late. "I can’t work without my coffee and my McDonald’s breakfast hot dogs, so even though I was running behind, I bought my usual order of fifty dogs. I was eating my tenth hot dog when the school phoned. Despite the inconvenience that they were putting me under by insisting that I go to school right away, I rushed, as I fast as I could, to school with all the forty dogs in a bag. Having to be in the class at that moment just right then, I had no choice or option but to take the hot dogs with me. They would have been stolen by the other teachers and the school cat if I left them on my desk; and they would also have gotten cold! So, I think I did the thing that was morally right and proper under the circumstances and at that moment! I really resent that the head teacher was angry with me! I couldn’t not understand what the problem was! Heck! I even offered some of my hot dogs to the students! It really angers me that they complained!"
The President of the eight million member Wuxi China Expatdom Hot Dog Appreciation Society, Oscar Meyer, said they supported the school’s decision. "Short is a "special" member of the WCEHDAS!" said Meyer, "but he has no leg to stand on in this situation. There is a time to work; a time to eat hot dogs; a time to sing; a time to dance; a time to enjoy life; a time to prepare; a time to be silly; and a time to be serious. Short has made the mistake that others have made by assuming that the WCEHDAS is an organization for silly and frivolous and irresponsible people…. Well! Dammit!! It isn’t! Short, through his behavior has brought great shame on himself and the WCEHDAS. We are stripping him of his special associate member status right now. We are even hoping that he be expelled from the WCE!"