One million Shanghai China Expats gather to celebrate six months of Wuxi China Expatdom Colonial Status


Over a million Shanghai Expats attended a picnic at Xujiahui Park in the former French concession to celebrate the first six months of their Shanghai China Expatdom being a colony of the Wuxi China Expatdom.

“The day that his majesty, the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty, issued the decree accepting the application of the Shanghai China Expatdom to become a colony of the Wuxi China Expatdom was the greatest day in my life, save all the days since when the Shanghai China Expatdom has been an official colony of the Wuxi China Expatdom!” said picnic organizer Saul Rudkin, a Wuxi Expat who had the misfortune to find a job in Shanghai.

When asked if it was a comedown to be living in a colony, another Shanghai China Expat Francis Dye, an English teacher, said it was in fact a step up into being civilized. “You must understand that before we had Wuxi China Expatdom colonial status, the average Shanghai Expat was a brute lacking any of the refinements of civilization. Most of us couldn’t read, write, use a toilet, wash clothes, eat with utensils, make love to a women without first clubbing her over a head with a club, not vote for the Democrat Party of the U.S., and balance a cheque book!” said Dye.

Besides being full of praise for Wuxi China Expatdom King Gorzo the Mighty, Shanghai Expats, to a man and woman, were also full of praise for the Minister of Wuxi China Expatdom Colonies Archduke Harry Moore. “Archduke Moore is something of a polymath, in the manner of Benjamin Franklin, I understand.” stated Shanghai Expat Lars Larry Larsen. “Besides being the best government administrator the Shanghai Expatdom has ever had, Moore writes a great novel, looks great in Speedos, delivers a stirring lecture in a film-studies class, dances a storm like Fred Astaire, has the grace of Fred Astaire, survives an assassination attempt with great aplomb, smiles like Ronald Reagan, has the virility of Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris combined, is married to Miss Moneypenny and has tousled locks of sublime black hair. I hope that these rumors of bootlegged videos taken on his honeymoon with Miss Moneypenny are true. The archduke must be a gold medal winning lovemaking athlete. Videos of him lovemaking would be great instructional tools for all other men!”

Picnic attendees were honored by an appearance by one of the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Triplets, Prince Hayek the Mighty, making his first appearance as a representative of the Wuxi China Expatdom Monarchy. Hayek was mobbed by Shanghai Expats seeking a lock of his golden hair.

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About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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