All Natural Naked Roller Derby is coming to the Wuxi China Expatdom!

In what was probably the most exciting thing to happen to the Wuxi China Expatdom since the deposing of the Ayatollah of Mordor; the capture of the Ayatollah of Mordor; Mango Mania; the coronation of King Gorzo the Mighty; the marriage of Gorzo the Mighty and Princess Ayria: The Chosen One; the Wuxi Red Guards winning the Super Duper Bowl two years in a row; the election of the first Monkey Parliament; the capture of the Kraken in Lake Taihu; the launching of the Wuxi China Expatdom’s tenth aircraft carrier; the victory of Harry Callahan and the Wuxi Expatdom Trio at the World Expatdom Vision Contest in Brandon, Canada; the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy sailing to Shilo, Manitoba; the search for the Swedish Bikini Team in the tunnels of the Wuxi train station; the marriage of Prime Minister Mango and Wonder Woman; the coup d’etat that installed a military junta as the Wuxi China Expatdom opposition party; the two inductions of Harry Moore into the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame; the inductions of TE Lawrence, Rush Limbaugh, Tony Kaulins, Andis Kaulins in the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame; The WCEDVDAS Civil War, the search for the missing Swedish Bikini Team, Archduke Harry Moore’s marriage to his secretary Miss Moneypenny; Queen Ayria’s three boxing victories over Hilary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, and Michelle Obama; the opening of a wildlife safari park in the 1912 Bar District; and the return of Doc Delaney to his chiropractor practice; Wuxi China Expatdom entrepreneur Marvin Monroe announced that the Wuxi China Expatdom has been awarded a franchise in the All Natural Naked World Roller Derby Association (ANNWRDA) which will begin play in 2013. Over the next few months, a contest will be held to determine the team’s name.

Said Monroe at a press conference held in the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay’s Pub where he announced the awarding of the franchise:

"I am proud to tell you that smash mouth, smash head, all-natural naked Roller Derby excitement is coming to the Wuxi China Expatdom! By being awarded a franchise in the All Natural Naked World Roller Derby Association, the Expatdom and Wuxi China will be part of the world’s first truly global and successful professional sports league. Along with the Expatdom, the All Natural Naked World Roller Derby Association will have teams in London, Paris, Des Moines, Philadelphia, Baghdad, Tehran, Seoul, Pyong Yang, Tokyo, Moscow, Cairo, Sydney, Manila, Winnipeg, Berlin, Warsaw, Oslo, Oklahoma City, Copenhagen, New York, Seattle, Regina, Moose Jaw, Manchester, Cork, Cardiff, Dublin, Edinburgh, Mexico City, Guatemala, Santiago, Havana, Brasilia, Lima, Shanghai, Chong Ching, Hefei, Saigon, New Delhi, Montreal, Rome, Athens, Madrid, Vienna, and Taipei!

Already, great athletes and great individuals, from other fields of achievement, have agreed to join the ANNWRDA. The Super Bowl Champion New York Giants, half the English Premiership, the entire Australian Rules Football League, the participants in the Rugby World Cup, the Stanley Cup Champion Boston Bruins, the Vancouver Canucks, the entire Canadian Football League, the top two division of Italian Soccer, the Premier Liga, 15 Nobel Prize Winners, Lady Gaga, U2, JK Rowling, Brad Pitt, the entire senate of New York State, Joe Biden, the Black Caucus of the United States Congress, half the work staff at the Jet Propulsion Labratory, NASA, author Harry Moore, Stripper Zach Landon, half the Communist Party of China, three quarters of the Berlin Philharmonic, the top one hundred Ping Pong players in China, Steven Spielburg, Richard Dawkins, Paul Krugman, Stephen Hawking, Leftist English teacher Tom Butler, New Gingrich, Bill Clinton, Anthony Weiner, Terry Pickett, and Mick Jagger have agreed to join the league and give up their normal professions. There is a rumour, which I won’t say is not true, that President Barack Obama is thinking of not running for a second-term as U.S. President and instead joining our league. Already Michelle Obama has pledged to skate for our Washington D.C. franchise!

We hope to pack four million seat Wuxi China Expatdom Roller Derby Palace for every match!"

Wuxi China Expatdomites, who are not ones to be bereft of excitement, expressed the most passionate of enthusiasm when hearing the news that All Natural Naked Roller Derby was coming to the Expatdom. Andis Kaulins, who told stories of watching Team Canada and Skinny Mini Miller in the 1970s, said he might reach into his deep pockets and buy season tickets. "I can have my son Tony sit on my lap so I only need to buy two tickets for me and my wife." Archduke Harry Moore told the WCE Blog that he and his wife Mrs. Miss Moneypenny had bought season tickets. The Archduke laughed with awesome virility and tossed back his golden locks of dark tousled hair when asked if he was going to skate for the Wuxi China Expatdom ANNWRDA franchise. "Australians don’t know how to skate!" said the Archduke.

Asked what had happened to the Wuxi Rollers of the World Roller Derby Association which he had started, owner Marvin Monroe told the WCE Blog that while the Rollers did attract crowds of 200,000 to their matches, the crowds seem small in the four million seat Wuxi China Expatdom Roller Derby Palace. Said Moore: "The biggest complaint our sales staff received was about the Rollers wearing clothing!" said Monroe. Now that Roller Derby in the WCE is All Natural and Naked, we have already sold three million season tickets!" said Monroe.


About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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