A spell of warm weather in the Wuxi China Expatdom is causing the Wuxi Expats who do wear clothes to shed them. At one Wuxi China English School, the shedding of clothes has resulted in a major loss of morale among its English teachers.
Elite Dynamic Executive International English School’s Eddie Hartman, a sixty year old ex-engineer, has taken to wearing short sleeve shirts as he teaches his classes. While this has made him feel comfortable, it has caused the other English teachers to suffer from bouts of extreme low self-esteem.
"Hartman’s forearms," said fellow Elite Dynamic Executive International English teacher Andis Kaulins, "are strong, solid, thick like lumber and exceedingly virile. I look at my arms and I get sick to my stomach. I can’t deceive myself about my inadequacies anymore. Hartman’s forearms are like a slap to the head that causes you to feel numb for days on end. I can’t get them out of my mind!"
Another Elite Dynamic Executive International English teacher Vic Paulsen tells the WCE blog that since he has seen Hartman’s forearms, he has not gone up to his 21st floor apartment. "I am afraid that I will think of Hartman’s virility, then my inadequacies as a man and want to jump out the window! I have been living on the street to stop this possibility!" said Paulsen.
Elite Dynamic Executive International English teacher Thor Lyndon says he has been in the gym, every spare moment, trying to build up his forearms to look like Hartman’s but has only encountered pain and frustration. "There comes a point in life where you have to say it can’t be done and walk away. But, I who prides himself on have the best body in the English Teaching Fraternity of the Wuxi China Expatdom find it galling! All that I have lived for, all that I have staked my self-esteem on, doesn’t amount to a hill of beans when I see Hartman wearing a short sleeve shirt!"
Hartman, who also doesn’t wear pants when he teaches, told the WCE Blog that he got his huge forearms growing up on the farm and then doing construction seven days a week while studying to be an engineer in the evenings. "I maintained this regimen for fifty years of my life; so good luck to all English teachers who think they can emulate me in a week!"