Use of Atomic Weapons in the Wuxi China Expatdom Declared a Victory for Human Decency and Funk

Operation Eliminate Bad Rhyming, an effort by the Wuxi China Expatdom Police Squad to eliminate Hip-Hop from all Wuxi Expat Bars, has begun with a four-day round-the-clock Atomic bombardment of the Chestnut Pub.

Officer McNulty, commander of the Eliminate Bad Rhyming Operation, told the WCE Blog that there could be no "messing with the successing of the operation at the Chestnut Pub because the effort was da bomb!"

McNulty then took the opportunity, in the WCE blog interview, to thank all the world’s nuclear powers, including the USA, North Korea, Israel, Russia, Pakistan and India, for providing nuclear weapons to use in the operation. Iran, said McNulty, were not quite ready to supply yet. "We used over 300 A-bombs during our attack on the DJ Booth of the Chestnut Pub over the four days, as well as a trillion tons of conventional munitions including bunker busters, high explosive artillery shells and White Phosphorous Chemical Weapons launched from 155mm guns we had parked on the decks of over two hundred Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy amphibious aircraft carriers!"

Asked how Wuxi China Expatdom leadership felt about the results of the operation, McNulty told the WCE Blog that his Majesty, the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty had phoned him after the completion of the operation to congratulate him personally for the success of the first attack on Hip Hop. "His Majesty is a big fan of Funk, and even cut a few albums with James Brown, Sly and the Family Stone, Bill Withers and Kool & the Gang, back in the day. He has told me that now that he is a parent, he is very concerned that his three sons Buckley, Hayek and Friedman don’t come under the evil spell of Hip Hop and instead listen to the rhythmic, dance-able mixture of soul, jazz and R&B that Funk music is!" said McNulty.

McNulty said that he also received a phone call from Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Mango. "The Prime Minister also offered his congratulations. Mango has concerns that the children, now being carried by pregnant spouse Wonder Woman, also don’t come under the influence of what Mango calls one of the malignant and destructive forms of anti-art enterprises known to man! Hip-Hop, Mango told me, is responsible for rising rates of illegitimacy, venereal disease, demands for the welfare-state, decline in the work-ethic, dandruff, bad breath and oral flatulence!"

McNulty, who could easily pass as James Brown’s twin brother, said he wasn’t much into funk himself, instead preferring the Country-and-Western stylings of Bob Willis and his Texas Playboys.

McNulty would not divulge plans for the next attack of Operation Eliminate Bad Rhyming, but there are rumors abounding that the million man force involved in the operation are planning to attack the DJ booth of the Walnut Pub, the sister pub of the Chestnut.

The use of atomic weapons was only the fourth time in history that atomic weapons had been used in warfare. Nuclear weapons had previously been used in Hiroshima, Nagasaki, and at the Wuxi China Expatdom Peace Theater on Zhongshan Road during a failed assassination attempt of Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore.

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About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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