Reports finds that One Hundred Percent of Wuxi Expat Alcoholics suffer from Alcoholism

A report released by Alcoholics Famous stated that a 2012 survey of Alcoholics in the Wuxi China Expatdom showed that one hundred percent of them suffered from alcoholism. In each of the ten years the survey has been conducted, the percentage of alcoholics suffering from alcoholism has never dipped below one hundred percent.

The head of the Opposition Nudist Party Military Junta, General Augustus Caesar Ramon Chavez Allende Mah Jong Pinochle was quick to denounce the results and said that the ruling Naturist Party should dissolve the parliament and call new elections, and then not run any candidates in them so the Nudists could be the new ruling party of the Wuxi China Expatdom.

Prime Minister Mango, leader of the ruling Naturist Party, said that General Pinochle’s logic was flawed and that the Wuxi China Expatdom’s zero percent unemployment rate, million percent annual GDP growth and complete elimination of poverty and depression were reasons for the Naturists to stay in power and not dissolve the parliament with its Naturist majority.

General Pinochle, a fervent admirer of President Obama, when confronted with the illogic of his denouncements and the fact of the WCE’s tremendous economic growth, pulled out a deck of cards before finally finding his race card and then denounced the Naturists as fascists, racists, homophobes, alcoholicphobes, selfish, teetotalers, and unnuanced moral absolutists in a very preening condescending self-righteous voice before finally pulling out his gun.

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About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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