Arch Duke WCE Minister of Colonies and Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society (WCEFAS) President Harry Moore, and his newlywed bride, Mrs Miss Moneypenny, have cut-short their honeymoon so that, in his role of WCEFAS President, he could speak in the Expatdom Senate. The Civil War hostilities between the the two WCEDVDAS organizations, which recently engulfed the Wuxi China Expatdom WCEDVDAS Civil War Appreciation and Reenactment Society (WCEWCEDVDASWARS)has still not been resolved peacefully.
President Harry Moore, accompanied by Mrs Miss Moneypenny, and WCERAN Admiral Lloyd Bridges, made his Ides of March progress to the Senate to declare his choice for the finest Ancient Roman Empire and Gladiator movie ever filmed, in the hope of
giving his endorsement to one of the warring WCEDVDAS organizations, and thereby bridging the gulf to a lasting peace with the Wuxi China Expatdom WCEDVDAS Civil War Appreciation and Reenactment Society (WCEWCEDVDASWARS).
Harry Moore and his entourage entered the WCE’s new marbled and granite-columned Senate chamber, situated on the 88th floor of the recently-heightened Ba Bai Ban
Building (WCEBBBB), since renamed as the Wuxi Yaohan Building (WCEWYB). King Gorzo The Mighty decreed that the new Senate is the the fittingly-grandiose forum where all WCE and WCE Expat Colonies’ cultural and administrative policies be debated,
and enshrined into laws.
Inside, some 36 million Expats of all the warring-factions were gathered. Snarling
and growling at each other, their uneasy truce was eased by WCE Midget Sumo Wrestler Champion and English teacher Duston Short, who dispensed 334 truckloads of McDonald’s Breakfast Hot Dogs to the throng.
President Harry Moore began his oration in grandiloquent style. “Enemies, WCE Expats, and Countrywomen, lend me your rears!”. “I can see that you’re all looking daggers at me, however, I’m about to render my verdict as to which is the greatest sword-and-sandal movie epic of all time!”, he said. “But first, would you all please join me in welcoming our honoured guests, Caesar Romero (thunderous applause), the three Andis Kaulins’ (eardrum-shattering, seismic-tremor inducing applause), Homer Simpson (loud applause), Cassius Clay (resounding applause), WCE Air Force Captain Pontius Pilot (Mexican wave), and Roman Polanski! (glass-shattering applause), who are seated here, in our VIP seating area, their faces soaked in mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise and cheese”.
Admiral Bridges, serving as the WCE’s designated military bodyguard, had removed his bell-bottoms, exposing his salt-encrusted and glistening bell-bottomed buttocks.
President Moore proceeded to deliver a 6 hour, 88 minute PowerPoint presentation, including selected 3D scenes from the movies contending for the title. Harry Moore
gave his dazzlingly well-informed and knowledgable commentaries on each film, – Ben-Hur, Caligula (1979), The Last Day Or So in Pompeii (1961), Spartacus
(1960), and Gladiator (2002).
Harry Moore was dismissive of Russell Crowe, describing him as a “an overblown, hammy and pompous poodle on steroids”. Turning to Spartacus however,
he told the throng that Stanley Kubrick was almost, but not quite, the most perfect
movie director who ever cranked a reel. President Moore then proceeded, without notes, to wax-lyrical about every frame ever created by Stanley Kubrick.
Finally, Harry Moore accepted the winner’s envelope from the delightful Mrs Miss Moneypenny, the pair exchanging some intimate banter and innuendo, after which Mrs Miss Moneypenny returned to her typewriter and telephone.
“Expats of the Wuxi China Expatdom….my choice as the best gladiator movie of all time is……(pin-drop hush)…..KIRK SPART-“. Before Harry Moore could pronounce his decision properly, the Senate chamber’s roof was obliterated by 25,986
air-to-ground missiles fired by war-surplus Japanese Zero fighters, piloted by 2,174
Akira Kurosawa lookalikes. The Quentin Tarantino Faction of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society then rained-down Harry Moore’s podium with an estimated razor-sharp tungsten and steel daggers which had been hand-crafted, polished, and honed in Le Place Pigalle.
Expats and guests safely made their escape. Harry Moore, Mrs Miss Moneypenny, and Admiral Bridges then evacuated themselves unharmed, and, Duston Short evacuated his
distended and swollen bowels of their aromatic contents of 591 McDonald’s Breakfast Hot Dogs.
All four sheltered in the underground carpark of the WCE Senate-Wuxi Yaohan Towers Building.
Recovering his poise, Harry Moore said that “The Ides of March are come!”.
Duston Short, hastily recostumed as a toothless-sayer, and his bowels still leaving a steaming-hot, toxic and acidic trail of around 4,000 metres, replied: “President ay but; gone not.”
Veteran Latin-quoting WCE-watchers are now speculating as to whether Harry Moore’s unfinished pronouncement will stand as a legitimate causus belli, or, if the Civil War is still, ipso facto, fightable.