Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society (WCEFAS) President Harry Moore wasn’t preaching to the converted when he stepped up to the podium to deliver a lecture about Cinematic depictions of the U.S. Civil War, after the opening-night screening of the film My American Cousin at the Ford’s Theater in Washington, D.C., U.S.A.
In fact, as Moore sat in the Presidential Box of Ford’s Theater watching the film, thousands of members of the John Wilkes Booth Wing of the Quentin Tarantino faction of the WCEFAS, who had bought all the tickets for the screening and as well, had infiltrated the Theater’s entire staff, all fired Philadelphia Derringer Pistols, many modified to fire automatic rounds of considerable caliber, at Moore.
All the shots missed, and Moore’s divine locks of dark, virile hair weren’t disheveled in the least. The assassins resumed watching the film and readied for their next move, which was to attack President Moore with daggers as he delivered his after-film lecture.
But their plans were thwarted by Moore’s impeccable manner of dress, and his god-given oratory and dancing skills. Before Moore made his speech, his golden smile which reflected a sunny Reagan-like optimism, and his dress featuring impeccably tailored blazer and slacks that were finished off with a perfectly tied cravat and fedora, made even the most hard-boiled of the assassins look at him with open-mouthed admiration. When he spoke, the would-be assassins went into raptures because of the sweet sound of his oratory, and dropped their daggers. And when Moore began to accompany his oratory with the up-to-date and graceful dance moves of Fred Astaire, the assassins became fans. At the conclusion of Moore’s speech, the crowd, which had only an hour earlier wanted to see him dead, formed a conga line of celebration and danced for hours.
Russians, who were part of the assassination plot, introduced a new element into the post Harry Moore Speech celebration. Hundreds of them, arm-in-arm, performed the Prisyadka, the famous Russian squat-kick dance. Not since the time of Peter the Great, had so many of them done the Prisyadka at the same time.
WCEFAS President Moore will return to the Wuxi China Expatdom where he has to sort out a booking conflict with the two WCEDVDAS organizations. The two organizations with the same acronym have threatened to go to war because of it.