Not to be outdone by other Expats who have helper monkeys, the acting Chief Inspector of the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Police Squad, Officer McNulty, has acquired a whole troop of rabid African Helper Mountain Gorillas to to be employed during routine investigations, riot control, questioning of suspects, and enforcement of Expatdom by-laws and English grammar rules.
"The Mountain Gorillas, all male and smokers, have been feed Viagara and made to quit smoking cold-turkey, to ensure they are in heat and thus at a maximum level of ferocity." said Officer McNulty to a packed standing-room-only press center of the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay’s Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China. To demonstrate the gorilla’s ferocity, McNulty released one of his helper-gorillas, named Constable Snuggles, into the crowd — seven reporters from the New York Times were torn to shreds before McNulty said "bananas."
"The Gorillas have also been taught to ride horses!" said McNulty to the surviving Press Men. The remaining media, from Fox News and the Wall Street Journal and the Wuxi China Expatdom blog, gave McNulty a standing ovation.
In all, the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Helper Gorilla Police (WCERMHGP) will have a hundred members. McNulty says they will be deployed immediately at the new Wuxi, China Nanchang Jie Bar Street. "There’s a lot of bad grammar spoken there!" declared McNulty.