Officer McNulty, acting Chief Inspector of the Wuxi China Expatdom, has begun a campaign to crack down on the bad grammar of Wuxi Expat English Teachers. He announced the details of Operation Hephaestion at an impromptu press conference held outside Dangle’s Participle Pub.
McNulty told the assembled media that a million officers would be involved in the Operation, and that he had also received commitments from the Wuxi China Expatdom Armed Forces for assistance in the crackdown on bad grammar habits. Said McNulty: "Beside the million police officers, General Colonel Harlan Sanders of the WCE Land Force has pledged armor and artillery assistance: WCERAF Air Marshall Gregory Peck says his ten thousand bombers will be on the highest alert for as long as it takes us to improve the grammar of the English teachers; and WCERN Admiral Lloyd Bridges has told me that if need be, we can use his aircraft carriers and that the 200m cannons of his battleships can easily rain down fire on any English teachers where ever they may be in the Expatdom!"
McNulty said that Operation Hephaestion’s basic philosophy was to be harshly unforgiving of English teachers making grammar mistakes. "Teachers if they are lucky, will get sixty days in solitary confinement if they are caught dangling a participle or misplacing a modifier, two years of hard labour if they make errors of tense, and four years of very hard labor if they make vocabulary usage errors. And when I say "if" they are lucky, I mean that is what they will get if they are not caught by me. If I catch them misplacing modifiers and mixing up the three conditionals, I will personally deal them my eccentric brand of divine, retributive, paradigm-shifting, uncongenial justice!"
Evidence of McNulty’s seriousness could be seen in and around Dangle’s Participle Pub where many moaning and beaten English Teachers were sprawled on the floor and sidewalk, floating in the nearby canal, and strewn on nearby roofs and trees. "This bunch, once they recover, will be reviewing their Funk & Wagnall’s and Fowler’s!" exclaimed McNulty.
Wuxi English Teachers, asked to comment on Operation Hephaestion, said they were terrified, but grudgingly admitted that Office McNulty had a point. Duston Short, an English Teacher at DIE English School, said "My grammar bad. So me scared. I go buy me dictionary and the grammar book. My want not to hurt be!" Another teacher at DIE, Steve Obstacle, said that he would keep his mouth shut from now on.