Wuxi China Expatdom Toilet Occupiers removed from Chestnut Pub

Lieutenant McNulty, the Wuxi China Expatdom’s acting Chief Inspector, announced that he had removed all members of The Occupy Chestnut Pub Urinals and Toilets Expat Protest Society (OCPUTEPS) from the Chestnut Pub.

The OCPUTEPSers, who had been occupying the Chestnut Pub public washroom area as part of the global Occupy Wall Street movement, wore out their welcome when they insisted that the pub’s owner Wally Droop give them free beer and that he also not require them to at least flush the toilets. Droop said that cleaning the pub toilets was part of a deal he had made with them when they started their occupation, but they had quickly reneged on that deal and kept making more and more demands on him. "It only dawned on me later," said the admittedly apolitical Droop, "that the OCPUTEPSers were Anarchistic Parasitic Marxist drunks who were playing me for an useful idiot, and so I had no choice but to call the WCEPD!"

Droop also complained that the OCPUTEPSers were scaring away regular customers, engaging in public acts of sodomy, listening to hip-hop, using a lot of electricity recharging their Ipads, and making his bar smelly.

WCEPD Lieutenant McNulty quickly responded to Droop’s call. Within five minutes, McNulty, who had been itching at the bit to deal with the parasites, arrived at the pub. He immediately asked the OCPUTEPSers to leave. They refused and called McNulty a fascist, leaving McNulty with no choice but to dispense his brutal but fair brand of justice. McNulty had all forty of the OCUPTEPSers and their possessions thrown out of the pub. Many of the OCUPTEPSers were thrown into a nearby canal — the first bath many of them had since they decided to start their protest.

Shane Stoops, one of the OCUPTEPSers, complained that he now had no place to live and that McNulty had thrown away his marble and comic book collection. "I gave your marbles and comic books to poor locals" said a derisive McNulty.

Duston Short, spokesman of the OCUPTEPSers, said that while they were disappointed they couldn’t live at the pub anymore, they could feel pride in the fact that they had raised "awareness of important stuff and social issue."


About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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