Winnipeg Mayor Sam Katz paid a visit to the Wuxi China Expatdom today to unilaterally offer the Wuxi China Expatdom a billion zillion dollars in reparations for the fact that one or two Winnipegers came to the Expatdom and nearly ruined it and any hope humanity had for freedom, liberty, comfort and basic human decency.
Katz, when in the presence of his Majesty, Wuxi China Expatdom King Gorzo the Mighty, insisted on kow-towing and prostrating himself for two hours before finally being made to stop when fire hoses were set on him.
Said Mayor Katz: "Speaking for the people of Winnipeg, I say we are sorry, so sorry, for the Ayatollah of Mordor and Andis Kaulins. The damage that they have done to the Expatdom is unconscionable, and I know we will never be able to adequately compensate for the damage they done! Still, we will try. I have pledged that Winnipeg will give the Wuxi China Expatdom a billion zillion dollars in reparations. I realize that it will take thousands of years to pay this amount but I will do everything in my power to see it is done. We will strip all homes and buildings of anything that can be sold for any sort of money to pay down the bill. We will eat a simple diet of water and broth made from the bark of trees for many generations to come. Any Winnipeger eating more nourishment than that will be fined and jailed. We will of course become Naturists for as long as some Winnipeger some where is wearing clothing, it can be said that Winnipeg has not completely redeemed itself for the damage it has done to the Wuxi China Expatdom. We will further devote all our working hours to producing things of value that can be sold to pay down the bill, the bill of shame we brought on ourselves!"
A magnanimous King Gorzo the Mighty, accepted Katz’s offer. Gorzo then declared that Winnipegers could wear clothing during their harsh winters. He further added that Winnipeg could keep its hockey and football teams. Said his majesty: "It doesn’t look like they have a NHL team anyway, and we already have the Wuxi Red Guards!"