88 Billion beings, across the known universe, watched the opening ceremonies of the Wuxi China Expatdom Bikini Classic held at Harry Moore Memorial Square Platinum in the Nanchang District of Wuxi, China on Wednesday evening
Many world leaders attended, including Pope Benedict XVI, German Chancellor Andrea Merkel, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, and members of the Libyan National Transition Council.
Vice President Joe Biden, representing the United States at the ceremony, wore a bikini, saying it was the traditional costume of his Jewish African-American Scottish Hispanic Muslim Pagan Native-American Lesbian Transgendered forefathers.
The world leaders and spectators, at the square or on a special universe wide television link, saw a performance by Harry Callahan and the WCE Trio, listened to the oratory of Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society Harry Moore, ignored a plea for money from Wuxi China Expatdom Rifle Association El Presidente Andis Kaulins, applauded a presentation of Grand Hero of the Wuxi China Expatdom medals to the Wuxi China Expatdom Justice League for rescuing the Swedish Bikini Team, cheered a parade of the 352 bikini teams participating in the Classic, and cried during the emotional lighting of the Bikini Classic flame of Humanity which will burn through the duration of the classic.
Former U.S. President Bill Clinton, representing himself, was noticeably loud and boisterous during the ceremony, especially during the parade of the Bikini teams, as he continually jumped, whistled, hooted, and hollered at the 352 bikini teams taking part in the ceremony, all the while throwing his hotel keys at them. After complaints from the Swedish Bikini Team, Clinton had to be sprayed down with a fire-hose.
Of the 352 bikini teams participating, the Swedish Bikini Team received the loudest reception. Others notable teams in the parade included the Libyan Bikini Team, the North Korean Bikini Team, the Harry Moore Appreciation Society Bikini Team, the Girls who have had Andis Kaulins buy them clothes Bikini Team, the Eskimo Bikini Team, the Jamaican Bikini Team, the Spanish Bikini Team, and Dazzle: the Wuxi China Expatdom Male Strip Team champions. Dazzle, featuring Dennis Gorman, Andis Kaulins, and Zach Landon, and coached by Dirt E. Harrie, are the only males participating in the classic.
After the parade, 88 year old Henrietta Hopkins, the last surviving participant of the first Wuxi China Expatdom Bikini Classic held in 1939, ran three laps around Harry Moore Memorial Square Platinum, and than ascended 888 meters of stairs to light the flame atop the tower of Humanity, specially constructed for the event.
The Bikini Classic will last for four months, and feature many contests of athleticism, art, beauty, and oratory.