WCEFAS President Harry Moore, continuing his (so-far) uneventful and enjoyable Stateside tour, was at Chappaquiddick Island, Massachusetts, yesterday to launch a new, advanced driver-training program.
Media representatives present appeared mystified as to why the obscure, isolated, wind-swept location had been chosen. Harry Moore responded that "here at Chappaquidick, we have a fantastic cross-section of the various kinds of terrain where advanced drivers will be able to hone their skills.
"Over there (he said, pointing), there’s long, fast sections of blacktop. Here we have a sandy track, and a bit further ahead, there’s a narrow bridge. All in all, these are the different road-conditions which graduates of the the new Harry Moore Driver Excellence Training Academies (HMDETA’s) will be able to handle in their stride".
"That’s right, you heard correctly", he said, " ‘academies’, because these will be franchisable training businesses. We won’t be referred to as being simply a ‘driving school’, no, our training techniques will be second-to-none and I have personally developed them, based upon my long experience behind the wheel."
Harry Moore then handed-out press-release kits to the journalists, containing details of the HMEDTA’s. Harry Moore said that his training program was more of a concept, than a practical exercise. "Yes, sure", he said, "but as you’ll see in the handouts, whilst we’ll train our clients how to adroitly apply the brakes, and to shift-up through the gears, well, we prefer to use such terms as
‘caress the shift-lever’, or, ‘regard that brake-pedal with due-respect."
"Our curriculum specifies that drivers who aim to become true professionals will be expected to be 100% sober at all times. However, such is the in-built flexibility of the training program, well, we will also teach drivers how to still drive pedal-to-the metal, even if they’re carrying a bottle of rye, or two,
The WCEFAS President said that the Academies will offer three levels of qualification for drivers. The highest will be the Chappaquidick Diamond Level Diploma.
"And", he added, "we’ll have a strict non-discriminatory policy in the HMEDTAs. For those clients who are non-native English speakers, we’ll be offering two other accredited qualifications – the Jade Pearl Harbor Diploma, and, the Emerald Little Big Horn Diploma".
Harry Moore said that the HMEDTA Training Program had already been operating in other US States, and overseas countries, for several years. "Yes, our
distinguished alumni include the UK’s Sir Stirling Mooose, and others, such as
Ace Ventura, and Jerry Bruckheimer".
"Well, that wraps it-up for now", said Harry Moore, "however right here I have a Trans-Am 4.2 cubic inch Shelby Mustang, warmed-up and ready to roll!
If you media people would like to climb in with me, I’ll just give you a demonstration of the advanced driving techniques. I’ll take it over that narrow wooden bridge up ahead and so you’ll be able to…… ".
Harry Moore abruptly stopped speaking at that point when he noticed that every single
media person had hastily departed the scene.
Posted By Sir Dirt E. Harrie to Wuxi, China Expatdom at 10/23/2011 04:55:00 AM