Swedish Bikini Team Search 2011 Update: All-star benefit concert is smash success as search reaches “critical juncture”

Despite the fact that the Swedish Bikini Team still hasn’t been located, Karl Malden, commander of the Wuxi China Expatdom Expeditionary Force that is overseeing the search, was in a good mood because of the Swedish Bikini Team Search 2011 All-Star Benefit Concert held at Harry Moore Memorial Square Diamond last week. Malden, beaming with great pride, announced that the concert, broadcast live in over 160 countries on Earth and every known part of the Universe, was viewed by a record 87 zillion intelligent beings and raised 1.2 trillion dollars, through ticket and memorabilia sales, making it the greatest all-star benefit concert of all time.

Every known popular musical act of any consequence in all of human history, whether alive or dead, was able to take part in the concert because of a newly-developed time travel technology. The concert’s grand finale featured Ella Fitzgerald, Bono, Mick Jagger, Frank Sinatra, Peter Townsend, the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Billie Holliday, Dean Martin, Inspector Harry Callahan and the WCE Trio, and ABBA performing an eclectic version of Amazing Grace accompanied by the Wuxi China Expat strip team Dazzle, featuring Dennis Gorman, Andis Kaulins, Zach Landon, Harry Moore, and Kung-Fu legend Bruce Lee, performing a co-ordinated male strip tease. The finale was declared a instant classic by observers who said they were "were blown away" by the amazing display of musical talent and male virility.

The search for the Swedish Bikini Team, however, was at a critical juncture, said commander Malden, who said that the approaching October holidays in China will make the Wuxi train station a very crowded place. "We need to find the team before the holiday. The first week of October the train station will be far too crowded for a search to be conducted!"

The Swedish Bikini Team has been missing for over a month. Coming to Wuxi to participate in the Wuxi China Expatdom Bikini Classic, the Swedes entered the underground tunnels of the new renovated Wuxi train station and have not been seen since.


About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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