Karl Malden, at a packed press conference held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay’s Pub, announced that memorabilia sales for Swedish Bikini Team Search 2011 have now exceeded the previously-thought-improbable level of one trillion yuan. Malden, the commander of the Wuxi China Expatdom International Expeditionary Force which is managing the search, attributed the excellent memorabilia sales to the wild popularity of the limited edition Wuxi China Swedish Bikini Team Steam Honey Lager brewed especially for the search. "Already," said Malden, "we have sold a billion gallons of delicious amber-coloured ambrosia. The buy two gallons and get a free copy of the Poolside Harry Moore promotion has perhaps been the most popular promotion in the history of human civilization!"
As for the search, Malden said he was "slightly chagrined" at the inability to locate the Swedish Bikini Team. He then fled the conference and let the commander of the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy Admiral Lloyd Bridges explain himself.
Admiral Bridges said he was disappointed that his navy couldn’t find the Swedish Bikini Team. However, Admiral Bridges said he was proud of the WCERN’s technical and scientific achievements made during their search for the Swedish Bikini Team. Said Bridges: "We showed that navies do have a role to play to urban warfare. I also am particularly proud of the technology we introduced during the search: the pocket nuclear submarine aircraft carrier, and the nuclear-powered underground tunnel flooding pumps. We also discovered, under the Wuxi China Train Station, three specimens of plesiosaur, a long-necked aquatic reptile that was thought to have gone extinct during the Cretaceous–Tertiary extinction event; a school of previously-presumed-extinct Chinese River Dolphins, and a Chinese paddle fish. And then we were able to remove all water out of the tunnels with the super-duper suction pumps for the search animals from the Wuxi China Expatdom Wildlife-Safari Tour.”
Asked if anyone was drowned in the tunnels, Bridges said he didn’t have exact numbers, and took a guess at one hundred thousand which he said could be food for the lions, tigers, and other predatory animals of the Wuxi China Expatdom Wildlife-Safari Tour.
The Wuxi China Expatdom Wildlife-Safari Tour phase of the search will begin on Tuesday.