Thursday, the Wuxi China Expatdom Bureau of Tourism announced that a group of thirty fake Kunming Expats had been expelled from the Expatdom.
It was Wuxi China Expatdom Chief Inspector Harry Callahan who discovered the group. "I had heard the news of fake Apple and Ikea Stores in Kunming. And it just so happened that I was cruising the streets of the 1912 Bar District looking for punks to arrest when I came across this group of clearly superficial and plastic people trying to feed orangutans from the Free Range Wildfire Park. I asked them, not the orangutans but the Kunmingimites, for their identification. Seeing then that they were from Kunming, I frisked them thoroughly. Clearly the woman in the group had plastic surgery such as face lifts, lip tucks, and so on. The men wore tons of jewelry, and used lots of pomade in their hair. Answering my questions, the Kunmingimites claimed to be very important who knew other important people and that they loved the poor. This got my goat. I hated being lied to! I hate posers! And so I made them take off their clothes and hand over their electronic gadgets. Everything they possessed had a designer label, but clearly every item was not authentic. I did another visual inspection of the nude Kunmingimites and saw fake prosthetics."
Asked what was done with the Kunmingimites, Inspector Callahan said "I put them on the next train to Kunming! This sort of fakery and deception just won’t do in the Wuxi China Expatdom which is the most real and transparent place on God’s green earth!"