Karl Malden, commander of the Wuxi China Expatdom Expeditionary Force (WCEIEF), the official search and rescue organization of the Wuxi China Expatdom, announced at a press conference, held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay’s Pub, that the search for the missing Swedish Bikini Team is almost ready to begin.
Said Malden, "The sales and marketing aspects of the Swedish Bikini Team Search 2011 are in place. We have extra sales personnel working at the WCEIEF official memorabilia shop in anticipation of huge demand for Swedish Bikini Team Search 2011 and WCEIEF hats, bobble dolls, and t-shirts. Wuxi China Expatdom Poet Laureate Alfred Lord McClusky has composed the official search poem. Berets, not for sale to the general public, bearing the official logo of Swedish Bikini Team Search 2011 have been issued to regular members of the WCEIEF. Volunteers have been issued trench coats and rubber boots, bearing the official search logo, that again aren’t for sale to the general public. Admiral Lloyd Bridge of the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy has pledged material and naval personnel for the search including scuba divers, submarines, and four aircraft carriers. Air Marshall Gregory Peck of the WCERAF has pledged material and personnel, as well, including AWAC search planes, helicopters, B-52s, and Hercules transport planes. Temporary Commander of the Wuxi China Expatdom Land Force, Brigadier General Viscount Monty Patton, has agreed to provide the WCEIEF with ten divisions of infantry, five tank corps, and eight regiments of artillery. The owners of Wuxi China’s best Expat Pub: Gambay’s say they have plenty of beer on hand to quench the thirst of the searchers. Santiago Cafe owner Augusto Pinochet has lots of beans and pasta to satiate the searchers’ hunger. The three major parties in the Wuxi China Expatdom parliament: the Naturist Party, the Nudist Party’s ruling junta, the Wuxi China Expatdom Feminist – Sexpat Cooperative Federation have unanimously pledged support for the search and authorized Prime Minister Mango to provide whatever resources the Expatdom government has to assist in the search. Wuxi China Expatdom King Gorzo the Mighty has given royal approval to the search."
Asked if the upcoming First Lady Boxing Championship match between Wuxi China Expatdom Queen Ayira: the Chosen One, and U.S. first lady Michelle Obama was to be cancelled, Malden answered that Ayira has agreed to continue on with the fight in order to maintain the morale of the searchers. "Ayira wanted to help in the search but we convinced her it was more important to box with Ms. Obama."
Asked if there were anything putting a snag in the search plans, Malden candidly admitted that the composition of the Swedish Bikini Search Team 2011 official song and symphony had been delayed, and that the WCEIEF was having a hard time finding someone who was familiar with the new tunnels of the Wuxi China Train Station where the Swedish Bikini Team was believed to have gone missing.