Addressing the 2.9 billion Expats and media representatives – from every
country on Earth, and from the furthest reaches of the space/time continuum –
gathered at the WCE’s Binhu Air Force Base, PM Mango today carried-out the appointment
and swearing-in of the new Air Marshal.
"People of the Wuxi China Expatdom", PM Mango intoned, "I present to you,
Air Marshal of the WCEAF, Lord Gregory Peck!".
The assembled Expats leaped to their feet, shouting and clapping, as Air Marshal
Lord Peck, erect and impassive, strode through the throng, mounted the podium,
and awaited their attention.
As the massive crowd quieted, Air Marshal Peck, in his deep stentorian tones said:
"I stand on this rostrum with a sense of deep humility and pride; pride in the reflection that
I will lead the most powerful air force in all of history, vigilant and ready to
serve, protect, and defend, the liberty of the Expats. "I have but one purpose in
my mind, and body, to serve my Expatdom."
The crowd went wild again. And again. And again. Altogether the Air Marshal’s
125-minute address was interrupted by 125 delirious ovations.
"I am", said Lord Peck, "first and last a proud son of the Expatdom. I was born here,
in a humble cottage nestled in the foothills of Hui Shan. In my adulthood, I spent
an interlude in the entertainment industry, but then returned, aloft, in the
wild blue yonder, in command of formidable flying machines. And now – I have
At several times during the course of the Air Marshal’s speech, both Expats and the
media exchanged puzzled glances at each other, when Lord Peck spoke in a curious,
olde world, perhaps nautical, diction. Referring to the now-confined Ayatollah of Mordor,
the Air Marshal said: "Should that fiend escape his bonds, I’ll follow him around Cape
Horn, and around the Norway maelstrom, and around perdition’s flames before I’d give
him up. "Melt me down and forge me harpoons and lances – what say ye?".
Returning to the 22nd Century, Air Marshal Peck said that "many Expats have informed
me that they have difficulty understanding aeronautical terminology, when my flyboys
circulate through the 1912 Bar District, and the environs of the Expatdom. If I may,
I will just briefly explain to you all the meanings of what, to us, is everyday language.
– "bombay doors" – hinged devices used for privacy in houses and apartments,
manufactured in India;
– "bogey" – enemy pilots who bear a striking resemblance to a movie actor
who once played a Moroccan bar-owner. Bogeys are always "on your tail!";
– "mayday" – to send a mayday is a call for everyone to take a day off work, once each year";
– "wing strut" – the way I walk when I climb atop my bomber’s wings, carrying out my
The ceremony was concluded by Air Marshal Peck clambering into the cockpit of his fighter-plane, and then dazzling the crowd with a two-hour display of aerobatics.
Posted By Dirt E. Harrie to Wuxi, China Expatdom at 7/15/2011 10:39:00 PM