This is the first of a series of profiles of ordinary Wuxi China Expats. Today’s profile: Duston Short, English Teacher and Midget Sumo Wrestling Champion from Ontario, Canada.
"Me Love Cheeseburgers!"
That is what Duston Short, who works as an English Teacher at Leprosy International (LIE) English in Wuxi, China, can be heard to say every day.
How much does he love cheeseburgers? Despite being only five foot six inches tall, he weighs 225 pounds. As well, there have many times, at the various Wuxi English schools where Short has been employed, when students and head teachers looking for him because he was late for class have found him at his desk eating a cheeseburger or two. "Mmm, mmm, hey, hey, oh, oh gog oh!" said Short in an interview with Orient Express, "Me love cheeseburgers so much I do. So I forgot class I to teach! I hate people be cross to me. It mean so to I!"
Short came to the Wuxi China Expatdom from Ontario, Canada. He first taught English at LIE English. He then taught at Little English, English Fungus, World Gob English, various kindergartens, and Nanny Fancypants English, before being rehired at again at LIE. When he is not late for English class or calling in sick on Saturdays, Short can be seen defending his Wuxi China Expatdom Midget Sumo Wrestling Champion at a bar in Wuxi that is not Gambay’s. Fred Minkleman, when asked, had nothing good to say about Short who he called "a fat-ass midget orc dwarf midget who won’t pay his bar tab." Inspector Harry Callahan when asked why Short wasn’t languishing in a WCE jail, said that it would have been an insult to other prisoners who had a smidgen of morality. Said Callahan, "We have con-artists, murderers, rapists, and child molesters in the jail who justly ask what it is that they have done to have to share a facility with Short." Short can as well be seen hanging out at another bar in the Expatdom for women’s night so he can get cheap daiquiris. The sight of Short wearing a dress is a spectacle to be missed.
Short, who is his mid-thirties, says he sees himself as a Peter Pan kind of guy. "Me no want to grow up. Me want to fly and have mermaids whenever I want. Me no want kids. Kids not for me you see. Me like drink beer. Me like eat cheeseburger all day. Me like chocolate bar also. Me hate work. Me always sick. Me don’t understand why they don’t let me stay job. My uncle die you know so don’t be mad at me!"
Asked about his political beliefs, Short said "Me like Obama. He speak good. He also cool-looking. He don’t like war. He want to give everybody a green job that pay lot of money. Him so smart. I want my vote to give him!"
Asked why he lives in the Wuxi Expatdom, Short said, "Rrrrrrr Mmmmm Gaaaaaa Me have too much friends in Wuxi and some girl friends too also. And I can eat cheeseburger! Yum Yum true gah!"