Petruchio comes to Wuxi China Expatdom to “Wive it Wealthily”

At a press conference held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay’s Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China, Petruchio, a gentleman from Verona, said he had come to "wive it wealthily" in the Wuxi China Expatdom.

Asked if he was looking for a young or rich wife, Petruchio said "If wealthily then happily in the Wuxi China Expatdom. If my wife has a bag of gold, do I care if the bag be old? I’ve come to wive it wealthily in the Wuxi China Expatdom."

Responding to the ire of local media who said he was a bad man, Petruchio said "I heard you mutter, "Zounds, a loathsome lad you are." But I can tell you, in all honesty that I shall not be disturbed one bit if she be but a quarter-wit, and if she only can talk of clothes, while she powders her god-damned nose, for I’ve come to wive it wealthily in the Wuxi China Expatdom."

Asked if he was full of crazy expectations for a wife that could be found in the Expatdom, Petruchio said, "’Twouldn’t give me the slightest shock if her knees now and then should knock, if her eye were a wee bit crossed, and were she wearing the hair she’d lost. Still the damsel I’ll make my dame. In the dark they are all the same. Yes! I’ve come to wive it wealthily in the Wuxi China Expatdom."

Responding to questions he was a cad, Petruchio said, "I resent those accusations. I can tell you I won’t mind if she fret and fuss, if she fume like Vesuvius, if she roar like a winter breeze on the rough China seas, if she screams like a teething brat, if she scratch like a tiger cat, or if she fight like a raging boar. As well, I have oft stuck a pig before. I have tested my kung fu skills against Pandas. So, read my lips: I’ve come to wive it wealthily in the Wuxi China Expatdom."

Members of Petruchio’s entourage added that their gentleman from Verona intended to wive it wealthily with "with a hunny, nunny, nunny, and a hey, hey, hey, and an oi, oi, wink, wink, wink!" To which Petruchio added "Not to mention money, money, money, honey, honey, for a rainy day!"

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About wuxiandis

An English Teacher in Wuxi, China. Married to a local girl. Father of a boy born August 23, 2007.
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