A long time Wuxi Expat says he longs for a simple cheese sandwich.
Gordon Smorrman, English Teacher and champion pool player of Gambay’s Pub, hasn’t had a cheese sandwich since he moved to the Wuxi China Expatdom five years ago. Said Smorrman, "I haven’t been able to find cheese and bread at the local grocers. At first, I didn’t think anything of it. I had willed myself to expect some minor deprivations by moving to the Expatdom. But as the years have gone on, I have become obsessed with the idea of a cheese sandwich. One night, as I was lying in bed and staring admiringly at the portrait I have of Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Mango on my ceiling, Mango transmorphed into cheese. I started to suck on the portrait until the laws of gravity came into effect and I fell to the ground. I have also eaten three copies of the Poolside Harry Moore. After three hours of staring at every pore of Harry in the giant twenty by twenty meter portrait of him that comes with every copy of the book, I fantasize that I see Swiss cheese."
Harry Callahan, Chief Inspector of the Wuxi China Expatdom as well as secret shopper for the Wuxi China Expatdom Consumer Gazette, said he didn’t understand Smorrman’s problem. "I haven’t had any problem finding cheese in the Expatdom. I have found cheese, all be it process cheese slices, at Carrefours and Tescos all over the Wuxi China Expatdom. I haven’t had the need to eat any of my four hundred copies of the Poolside Harry Moore. And I like to stare at the photos as much as any red-blooded, iron-willed, he-man."