Air Force Schwartz, the U.S. Secretary of State’s official plane, touched down today at the Wuxi Airport depositing Secretary Clinton in the Expatdom for her charity boxing match against WCE Queen Ayira: The Chosen One.
Tickets for the fight, which is to be held next Tuesday at 150,000 seat WCE Business Owner’s Stadium, have been sold out for months. Scalpers are now getting one million rmb or 50,000 copies of the Poolside Harry Moore for a seat 150 meters from the ring. Ringside seats are now beyond the reach of even the United States Treasury which may have to start QE3 program to finance one ticket for V.P. Joe Biden. Biden, says he has been a big boxing fan, boasting that he was at the two Mike Tyson – Max Baer fights in the 1930s. Asked for a prediction on the upcoming fight, Biden said he can’t remember who won the fights for it was so long ago.
Though the fight is strictly an exhibition match for charity, bad blood between Queen Ayira and Secretary Clinton has given this fight the potential to be perhaps the greatest in history.
Ayira has previously said "that Clinton, the cuckoldess, to quote James Joyces, was a hoaring pandemonium of ills, enlarged glands, mumps, quinsy, bunions, hayfever, bedsores, ringworm, floating kidney, Derbyshire neck, warts, bilious attacks, gallstones, cold feet, and varicose veins." "A true woman," she added, "wouldn’t have put up with Bubba’s infidelities. She would have had him clipped, if you know what I mean. I will destroy wannabe mister pant suits in our match. Mark my words."
Secretary Clinton in response, said, "That is rich coming from a woman who is married to a bald-headed Paul Krugman look-a-like. All Ayira has done has married into Queenhood. Over the past 25 years, I have worked persistently on issues relating to women, children and families. Over the past two-and-a-half years, I have had the opportunity to learn more about the challenges facing women in my own country and around the world. I have met new mothers in Jojakarta, Indonesia, who come together regularly in their village to discuss nutrition, family planning, and baby care. I have met working parents in Denmark who talk about the comfort they feel in knowing that their children can be cared for in creative, safe, and nurturing after-school centers. I have met women in South Africa who helped lead the struggle to end apartheid and are now helping build a new democracy. I have met with the leading women of the Western Hemisphere who are working every day to promote literacy and better health care for the children of their countries. I have met women in India and Bangladesh who are taking out small loans to buy milk cows, rickshaws, thread and other materials to create a livelihood for themselves and their families. I have met woman doctors and nurses in Belarus and Ukraine who are trying to keep children alive in the aftermath of Chernobyl. What has Queen Bitch done? Huh?!? She has grown soft as a princess!"
Originally, the fight was scheduled to be three rounds, but intermediaries between the two fighters’ camps, have agreed to make the fight fifteen rounds and bare-knuckled. Marquis of Queensberry rules have been dropped so that kicking and pulling of hair is allowed.
Famous boxers from all over the world have picked sides in this fight. Mike Tyson will be sitting in Clinton’s corner during the fight. George Foreman will be in Ayira’s.
Both fighters have adopted a vigorous training regime for the fight. Clinton is running 75 miles a day and has stopped eating chocolate cake for the week. Ayira is training with Chuck Norris who has made her run to infinity and back three times.
Ayira, asked if being pregnant with triplets might be a handicap, in the fight said she wasn’t worried. "I predict I will knock out Ms. Pants Suit in thirty seconds! Said a confident but poised Ayira.