The Poolside Harry Moore, a coffee table sized books full of photos and pull-out posters of Harry Moore, as well as some of his fiction and non-fiction prose, has already sold 5 billion copies worldwide since it was published on Tuesday. This five billion number exceeds the estimated 3.9 billion copies of the Holy Bible and 800 million copies of the Little Red Book that have been printed, but not necessarily sold.
Asked for a reason for the incredible popularity of the book, Orient Express Publisher Wayne “Funk” Wagnall said that Moore’s charisma is without precedent in world history, and that he and Moore made a deliberate decision to make the book unsuitable for computer reading. “The book’s 20 by 30 meter poster of Moore by the poolside cannot be seen on any Kindle or I-Pad that I know of. Moore and I also agreed on a means-testing pricing policy where the poorer people of the world didn’t have to give up too much of their income to buy every one in their family a book. Moore’s writing style is also brilliant. Who else can write in a way that appeals to children, Penthouse readers, and the Pope? Moore is also Mangoish in his physicality. In fact, Moore is a totally unique combination of saint and sex symbol. And so, this is probably the only book in the world, that appeals to everybody in the world, without exception.”
Stories of the purchases of the Poolside Harry Moore have already entered into the annals of legend. It is said that Osama Bin Landen blew his cover when he decided to ignore security protocols and ask his courier to bring him a copy of the Poolside Harry Moore right away. Bill Gates has said to have spent all his bank account on buying the Poolside Harry Moore — Gates wants to have the book no more than one foot away from him and all Microsoft employees at all times. In Africa, people have reportedly walked a hundred miles to buy a copy of the book. Charlie Sheen has bragged of buying 10,000 copies of the book, as well as cited the massive purchase as proof that he was “winning!” Republicans have agreed to raise the debt ceiling to a zillion dollars in the U.S. so that every citizen of the country can have 100 copies of the book and even illegals can have 25. A Rich Arab Oil Sheik has reportedly placed an order for 10 billion copies of the book.
The book’s popularity is scaring world governments. The Chinese Communists are trying now to produce Chariman Mao in the Bedroom, a coffee table book they hope can make their citizens forgot about Harry Moore. Hugo Chavez’s efforts to ban the book have put him in direct conflict with Colombian drug lords who are smuggling books into the country. Many political scientists see despots, the world over, falling as a result of the Poolside Harry Moore instilling their subjects with wonder, passion, and a lust for freedom and decency.