Prime Minister Mango announced that the Wuxi China Expatdom will send an emergency shipment of Kaopectate to the Suzhou Expatdom which is currently experiencing a diarrhea crisis. As of Monday, an estimated 95 percent of Suzhou Expats are suffering from diarrhea, so instead of sitting behind their desks or at their barstools, Suzhou Laowai find themselves sitting on the toilet or squatting.
Long time observers of the Suzhou Expatdom say the crisis is a result of the basic primitvism of Suzhou Expats. Said Hans Klingerhoffen, a self-described Suzhou Expatdom refugee turned Wuxi Expat, "Suxhou Expats eschew all forms of personal ablutions and like to drink water from puddles. As well, they don’t see the need to wash their hands ever."
Said Prime Minister Mango, "I have been in constant communication with the leaders of the Suzhou Expatdom and pledged that the WCE will help them in anyway we can during their time of grave diarrheal problems. I told them Kaopectate Anti-Diarrheal and Upset Stomach Reliever stops diarrhea fast and has two key electrolytes to help you recover fast. I also told them that Kaopectate comes in a number of varieties, including Kaopectate Vanilla Regular, Kaopectate Peppermint, Kaopectate Peppermint Extra Strength, Kaopectate Cherry, and Kaopectate Children’s. I also suggested that they try the Surfak Stool Softener (Formerly Kaopectate Stool Softener) SoftGels, that we threw in the emergency shipment, because it provides gentle relief of occasional constipation and restores your body’s natural balance. Finally, I told the leaders that if they didn’t want a repeat of the crisis, they should educate their subjects about basic personal hygiene."