Former movie star, and now English Teacher Wuxi Expat Tom Cruise has taken to wearing stilts when he uses western "sitting" toilets.
The diminutive Expat, who is only four and a half feet tall, became tired of being called "Little Has Been" and "Tiny Tom" by his fellow English teachers, and as well being called "Xiao Di Di" and "Xiao Pengyou" by his students. He, in desparation, took to wearing 18 inch high stilts. Later, he read of the benefits of squatting to poo which included no hemorrhoids and smoother exiting stools, and so realized that no longer would he have to take off his stilts and climb on the toilet seat. Said Cruise, "It was a revelation to know that I could just walk over the toilet, using my stilts, and squat to do my business!"
Added Cruise, "Nothing puts an end to short jokes like reminding my fellow teachers about lack Preparation H in China!!"