Iggy Poop, leader of the opposition Nudist party, said that while Prime Minister Mango had done a good job in making the Wuxi China Expatdom the best place in all of world history, the PM had yet to make the WCE a utopia.
Said Poop, in a speech to the annual Nudist convention, “I know you are thinking that under Mango’s leadership, there is no unemployment, the economy is growing at a rate of 100 percent a year, there is only frivolous crime, we are a happy people, the level of trust is high, we have no corruption, we have the world’s strongest military, there is no personal income or sales tax, we have the world’s longest life expectancy and the lowest divorce rate, we have a budget surplus, we have accumulated an ongoing surplus equivalent to the current U.S. debt, and we have Gambay’s Pub, located in the 1912 Bar District! You are thinking that is mighty fine! You can’t beat that! Don’t fix what isn’t broken! You can’t get better than being number one! Well!!!! Let me tell you! Let me be perfectly clear! Let me say, in all the candor that I as a politician am capable of: We aren’t a utopia yet! And I think that an Expatdom run under my Prime Ministership can make this Expatdom a Utopia, a heaven on Earth! Now! I know you are thinking Utopias are not possible and it would be futile to try! Wrongo!! To stop doing something just because it has been tried a million times and shown not to work is frankly the attitude of a quitter! I am no quitter! And I believe that Wuxi Expats have to know that I am not quitter! And now you are thinking how will I do this? Create the Wuxi China Utopia, that is. Well! Easy. We need more government control and bureaucracy. You need us telling you what to do. You need us regulating every portion of your life including your flush toilets and your light bulbs! You need to pay more tax! We need a sales tax! We need public service unions! We need to protect new industries against foreign competition! We need to increase the size of the Expatdom government! So! Remember, the next time you go to the polls, WCE voter, don’t settle for just the best ever in all of history, demand the Utopian perfection that only the Nudist party can provide! Reject the freedom agenda, the Just be Excellent credo of the Naturists! Don’t be fooled by results! Vote Nudist and vote Nudist often!”