Gorzo the Mighty, the King of Wuxi China Expatdom, has declared Chuck Norris’s Birthday to be an official Expatdom Holiday. It is the first time the Expatdom has declared a holiday for itself. Gorzo has resisted massive popular demands that his birthday be made an official holiday, citing the fact that his birth place took over several days and that to celebrate those days would be bad for the Expatdom economy. All businesses and government offices, with the exception of Gambay’s Pub and other essential services, are to be closed for now into perpetuity on Norris’s birthday.
"Chuck Norris’s visit to the Expatdom a few years ago," said Gorzo, "was the impetus for the great and wonderful existential change that has come to the Expatdom. Chuck saw what a depraved people Wuxi Expats had become under the reign of the Ayatollah of Mordor, the previous King of Wuxi. He shamed the Mordorian regime to making changes. The only historically similar incident I can think of was the visit of Pope John Paul II to Poland when it was under Communist rule. For this, all Wuxi China Expats of good will and humanity owe Chuck a debt they could never possibly repay!"
Many events have been planned, around the Expatdom, to mark the day. At Harry Moore Memorial Square, a million Expats are expected to together try to count to infinity — a feat that Norris did twice. Gambay’s Pub has sponsored a Chuck Norris Poetry Contest where the finest Ode to the great man will receive free beer for life. At the Wuxi Stadium, the 1972 Miami Dolphins will play the 2011 Wuxi Red Guards in a charity American Football game that will decide who is the finest team in history. At Xihui Park, a group of Expats will try to eat a cable car. At Jiangying’s Big Bridge, a group of Expats will try to carry cargo ships over the bridge. At Ling Shan, a 88 meter tall statue of Chuck will be unveiled beside the Big Buddha.