The Prisyadka-dancing Expats formed three rings of humanity around the airport. When Moore’s plane landed, the Prisyadka-dancing Expats, from squat positions kicked their feet higher in the air than they had ever done before.

Moore, still dressed in the impeccably tailored blazer, slacks, perfectly tied cravat and fedora, that he wore at Ford’s Theater, received loud applause when he appeared before the welcoming throngs.

The cheers turned to screams of adulation when after performing some of his Fred Astaire inspired dance moves, Moore threw off his fedora and blazer and began to dance the Prisyadka himself.

Moore and welcoming Expats then danced the Prisyadka all the night and all the way from Shuo Feng to the Nan Chang Temple Market where Moore has a small one thousand square meter apartment. The staff employed, in the million vehicle motorcade that was to take him there, were instead able to get off work early at full pay.

Michael Furey, a Wuxi Expat from Ireland, has fallen in love with Wuxi’s Moresky 360 Building, and wants to marry it.

Furey, an English Teacher working at English Fungus School, says it was love at first sight for him when he first laid his eyes on the 209m tall building in 2010. "Since then, I have been able to fondle, kiss, grope and caress all her 48 floors. It is my dream to one day be able to straddle her 29m tall spire." said Furey.

Furey told the WCE Blog that he was filed an application for a wedding license with the Wuxi China Expatdom Marriage Bureau.

Gabriel Conroy, spokesman for the WCE Marriage Bureau, says he may not be able to grant a wedding license to Furey. "The Moresky 360 Building belongs to the locals, and we would be infringing on their sovereignty if we permitted Furey to marry it." said Conroy in an exclusive interview with the WCE Blog.

Drinking Mates of Furey say he has threatened suicide if he cannot marry his dear, dear Moresky.

The Wuxi China Expatdom is the only jurisdiction in the world to permit Human — Inanimate Object marriage.

The Dance craze came to Wuxi as a result of Russians doing the dance during celebrations that took after Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore’s lecture, delivered at Ford’s Theater in Washington D.C., about cinematic depictions of the U.S. Civil War. Gambay’s Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China has set up a special Prisyadka Dance Room. Already, Wuxi Expats have formed a Prisyadka arm-in-arm dance line spanning one end of Nanchang Jie Bar Street to the other.

Observers of WCEFAS President Harry Moore’s lectures speculate that the Prisyadka Dance could replace the conga lines which have been the traditional method of celebrating Moore’s orations.

Moore’s lectures have resulted in conga lines, millions of people and miles long. Wuxi China Expats now hope to break the world record for the widest arm-in-arm Prisyadka group dance which is 3,789 set after a speech by Boris Yeltsin to the Russian Duma in the 1990s. Prime Minister of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Mango thinks that Wuxi Expats can easily reach the one million Prisyadka participant width in the next few weeks.

In fact, as Moore sat in the Presidential Box of Ford’s Theater watching the film, thousands of members of the John Wilkes Booth Wing of the Quentin Tarantino faction of the WCEFAS, who had bought all the tickets for the screening and as well, had infiltrated the Theater’s entire staff, all fired Philadelphia Derringer Pistols, many modified to fire automatic rounds of considerable caliber, at Moore.

All the shots missed, and Moore’s divine locks of dark, virile hair weren’t disheveled in the least. The assassins resumed watching the film and readied for their next move, which was to attack President Moore with daggers as he delivered his after-film lecture.

But their plans were thwarted by Moore’s impeccable manner of dress, and his god-given oratory and dancing skills. Before Moore made his speech, his golden smile which reflected a sunny Reagan-like optimism, and his dress featuring impeccably tailored blazer and slacks that were finished off with a perfectly tied cravat and fedora, made even the most hard-boiled of the assassins look at him with open-mouthed admiration. When he spoke, the would-be assassins went into raptures because of the sweet sound of his oratory, and dropped their daggers. And when Moore began to accompany his oratory with the up-to-date and graceful dance moves of Fred Astaire, the assassins became fans. At the conclusion of Moore’s speech, the crowd, which had only an hour earlier wanted to see him dead, formed a conga line of celebration and danced for hours.

Russians, who were part of the assassination plot, introduced a new element into the post Harry Moore Speech celebration. Hundreds of them, arm-in-arm, performed the Prisyadka, the famous Russian squat-kick dance. Not since the time of Peter the Great, had so many of them done the Prisyadka at the same time.

WCEFAS President Moore will return to the Wuxi China Expatdom where he has to sort out a booking conflict with the two WCEDVDAS organizations. The two organizations with the same acronym have threatened to go to war because of it.

Asked why an organization that meet bi-weekly to discuss DVDs should have a nuclear programme, Safari said the energy needs of the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke were more than what the uninitiated might be lead to expect.

Asked about rhetoric coming from certain quarters of the Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society that they should destroy the Dick Van Dykers; that the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society should be wiped off the map; that the false WCEDVDAS should be wiped from the page of time; and that the Dick Van Dykers were Germs; Safari said that rhetoric was hyperbolic and nothing more. "Given the tension," added Safari, "that exists between us, the pure and the good WCEDVDAS, and the other WCEDVDAS which eats babies, tries to steal our Harry Moore Appearance, worships the Devil and the former King of Wuxi, and wants to enslave us and assault our daughters in beastly fashion, our fine and decent members can be forgiven for a itsy-bitsy tiny modicum of intemperate talk!"

Tension between the two appreciation societies, which share the same acronym: WCEDVDAS, has been at a critical level since it was discovered that a booking conflict existed where Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore was scheduled to speak at both of their grand conventions at the same time and date.

The sale includes 60 Black Hawk helicopters (totaling $3.1 billion), 114 advanced Patriot air defense missiles; a pair of Osprey mine-hunting ships; and dozens of advanced communications systems.

The Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society has complained to the United States about the sale of Patriot missiles and other weapons to the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society, which it says is simply an appreciation organization that shouldn’t have any military aspirations.

Spokesmen for the Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society,for their part, say they have the right of self-defense and to assert their rights just like any other free individuals, organizations or nations.

Tensions between the two Wuxi China Expatdom Appreciation Societies, which share the same acronym : WCEDVDAS, have increased since both groups booked Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore to speak at their grand conventions at the same time and date resulting in what seems to be a conflict that could lead to bloodshed.

"Everything, we wear, including accessories should have an ostensible purpose. I think it is rather daft to wear a monocle with no lenses!" said Moore, as he was dressed, in impeccably tailored blazer and slacks that were finished off with a perfectly tied cravat and fedora, for his appearance at the premiere of the film My American Cousin at Ford’s Theater in Washington D.C.

Asked who his fashion icon was, the Archduke said Fred Astaire. "Astaire dressed like a man should dress. He was he epitome of sartorial style! The perfect aristocrat. You never had the impression he was trying to lord it over on others. He was the guy next door, except he had grace coming out of every single pore and crevice of his body!"

"I hated it when locals told me I acted like a 25 year old!" says English Teacher Andis Kaulins (not be confused with President Andis Kaulins of the Wuxi Expat Rifle Association and the other Andis Kaulins who is the president of the Wuxi China Expatdom Elite Expat Association) who is 48 years old. "Now, wearing my monocle in class, the students treat me like a senior. No more, do any of them say I under thirty!"

The only complaint ET Kaulins has about wearing a monocle is that always falls into the ground when he runs to catch a bus.

The Midget Sumo Wrestling Champion of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Duston Short is wearing a monocle and a top hat as well. "I have fooled many locals into thinking I am a millionaire because with my short squat frame, top hat and monocles, I look like an old-fashioned capitalist!"

More well-heeled Wuxi Expats are wearing golden pocket watches chained to their pockets to accompany the top hat and monocle. Niels Bohr says that he has had three piece-suits custom-made for him on Houxixi street to complete his monocled look.

German Expat Baron Von Richter Smichter Merkel Strum says he is happy to see monocles back in fashion. "All de little local young strudel really likes me now!"

Wuxi China Expatdom Monocle Manufacturers say orders for monocles more than they have the capacity to handle. Warren Allyoucaneat, president of the Wuxi China Expatdom Monocle Company, says his company is planning to build a ten kilometer square monocle manufacturing facility to keep up with the demand.

"Whether you need to raise your self-esteem, i.e. become a man; improve your performance at work, i.e stop screwing the dog; improve your golf swing; control your temper — although if you are righteous, I don’t see the need; improve your posture; succeed in business or warfare; or perform better in the sack, i.e. keep your wife happy; VGSPL Personal Trainer Services is the only self-improvement service you will ever need! Think of VGSPL as your personal boutique sergeant-major. You will learn to hate us but you will love the results!" said Lombardi, who added that VGSPL’s approach to personal-training was old-school.

Asked if he saw potential in the Wuxi China Expatdom, which by any standards, was the greatest jurisdiction in human history for economic, intellectual, scientific, spiritual, sporting, philosophical and artistic achievement, Lombardi said that the achievements of the WCE could be attributed to a very small elite minority. "Of course this group; consisting of Gorzo the Mighty, Alfred Lord McClusky, Harry Callahan, Harry Moore, Lloyd Bridges, Gregory Peck, Mango, Ayira: the Chosen One, the sportsmen Rabbis and Colonel Harlan Sanders; is the greatest collection of humanity ever, but that doesn’t mean there is no room for self-improvement among the rest of the Wuxi Expats. I understand that there are in the WCE, groups of Expats from Ontario, Canada; as well as English teachers and Sexpats who could all use a good and swift kick in the ass!" said Lombardi.

Lombardi praised the Wuxi China Expatdom, saying it was enlightened in that it saw the wisdom of things from the past that are currently considered unenlightened. "In the Wuxi China Expatdom, they are free to paddle and righteously punish those who are lazy and immoral. And I can practice my favorite training technique which is to make my clients dig a hole as fast as they can, or else have a super-tank run them over. That teaches concentration of the mind like nothing else! And when we have our to-the-death gladiator competitions before graduation, there is none of this not-keeping-score baloney!"

VGPSL will open its training center at the corner of Xueqian and Zhonghan Roads on February 21.

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Posted By Andis Kaulins to Wuxi, China Expatdom at 2/17/2012 08:45:00 PM

Kim Jung Un, North Korea leader, issued a declaration stating that President Moore should address the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society Convention. Un said his father, the great leader King Jung Il, loved nothing more, than when he wasn’t doing his dictatoring job, to throw up his feet and watch episodes of the Dick Van Dyke Show.

U.S. President Obama blamed the double-booking conflict on the Bush Administration. He said that the solution was for everyone to work together under the auspices of centrally-bureaucratized government to find common ground. "What folks need and want is for everyone to move beyond their differences and work together. This calls for political leadership with vision. Everyone can’t just avoid paying taxes. They must paid their fair share! I will not rest until some solution satisfying to everyone is found by me!" said Obama.

U.S. Vice President Joe Biden said that President Moore should just go to both conventions at the same time. Asked if he was more of a DVD fancier or a Dick Van Dyke fan, Biden said he liked watching t.v. on Betamax.

Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said that President Moore should address the WCEDVDAS that had less Jews in it.

Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard said she wished President Moore would cancel both speaking engagements and come over to her place that evening.

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper said that President Moore should toss a coin.

Pope Benedict XVI said President Moore should pray for guidance.

The minority leader of the U.S. House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, also expressed a desire that President Moore cancel both engagements and come over to her place that evening.

Hugo Chavez, dictator of Venezuela, said President Moore should address the WCEDVDAS that had less Americans in it.

WCEFAS President Moore, who is in Washington D.C. to attend a film premiere at Ford’s Theater, was unavailable for comment.